


Three Words

by caramelaire



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Angst, F/F, Mutual Pining, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-16 22:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21043826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelaire/pseuds/caramelaire
Summary: Byul keeps saying those three words. Three words that Hyejin refuses to say back.Until it's too late.





	Three Words

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I won't pretend to be an expert about law stuff or police protocols. I'm not a cop, nor am I affiliated with one. All information displayed here are gathered from the internet. That's all. Enjoy! Or you know, prepare some tissues.

“Hyejin-ah, why are we going home?”

Byulyi’s drunken form was slumped against Hyejin’s side; the former’s arm wrapped around her shoulders for support as they slowly but steadily made their way across the bar. Hyejin scrunched her eyebrows in irritation as she tried her utmost best to concentrate on walking. Her feet had almost stumbled over a pair of shoes hazardously lying on the floor just seconds ago. If only Byulyi would stop murmuring against her neck, then perhaps she could focus enough to get them inside her car before the sun rose up.

Behind them, the celebration for another case solved was resuming. Their sergeant, Kim Yongsun, had already begun to hoard the karaoke machine, which was a clear indicator that they would no doubt see daylight inside that bar. The other police officers were either drinking to their heart’s content or waging a war over the microphone. When Byulyi began to randomly scream affection over the speakers, Hyejin deemed her drunk enough to drag home. 

Hyejin, on the other hand, was sober as a rock. 

Since her partner had been pretty adamant on drinking, someone had to stay sane and drive them home for all of their sake. 

Inwardly, Hyejin just didn’t want to endure another round of teasing from her comrades the next morning for her unexpected weak alcohol tolerance. For a person with such bravado and bark like Hyejin, it was bordering on hilarious and pathetic just how easy she succumbs to liquor.

“It’s still too early!” Byul drunkenly complained against her ear, nudging her nose against the cold skin of Hyejin’s neck, and making all her hair stand in attention. “Why don’t we celebrate more?”

“This unnie, seriously,” Hyejin grunted. “You can barely keep your eyes open.”

The only answer Hyejin received was a quiet snore. She sighed, an odd mixture of exasperation and affection overcoming her features. 

Some days, Hyejin questions if she’s truly the youngest officer in the precinct with how childish her seniors sometimes act. 

With a grunt, she throws the car door open and carefully places her partner on the passenger seat. She takes the driver’s seat and buckles both of their seatbelts on. Her blouse reeked of alcohol, sweat, perfume and that minty deodorant Byulyi liked to use, but it wasn’t like she minded looking after her Byul. 

Everyday out on cases they risk their lives with the only reassurance that they always had each other’s backs after all. They look after each other in the most dangerous moments of their lives. Becoming each other’s babysitters during a drinking session wasn’t even worth noting amongst all the things they would willingly do for each other. 

Hyejin sighs, her breath a soft smoke against the chilly air. She takes a moment to catch her breath, adjusts the front and side mirrors and then looks over to Byul one last time to check on her. 

She really didn’t mind looking after Byul, Hyejin thought again as Byulyi’s hair softly fell over her face, her lips forming a small pout. Hyejin bit the inside of her cheek to prevent a smile from forming at the sight. She swept the hair over to the side of her unnie’s face. 

When Byul’s eye brow furrowed in her sleep, Hyejin could no longer stop her smile even if she wanted to. 

No, Hyejin thought, she really didn’t mind at all. 

It was already past four in the morning when they arrived at Hyejin’s apartment.She aided a half-asleep Byul into her home and laid her down on the bed; chuckling affectionately at the sight of Byul comfortably snuggling into her covers as if it were her own home. 

It was not the first time that Byul had slept over. The older woman’s house was farther than Hyejin’s, and sometimes when their work dragged them to the late hours of the night, Byul wouldn’t hesitate to accept Hyejin’s offer to stay over. The apartment was more their’s than Hyejin’s alone; the spare key that was undoubtedly in Byul’s jacket pocket, some of Byul’s spare clothes in a separate cabinet and her toothbrush in Hyejin’s sink was enough proof. 

A loud snore disrupted her train of thought.

“Aish, unnie, what am I going to do with you?” She shook her head as she removed Byul’s police jacket and black boots. 

She went to the other room, gathering an empty bucket, placing it beside Byul for when she needed to puke, and putting a bottle of water and aspirin on her bedside table, while making sure to keep the lamp open. 

This wasn’t the first time Byul was drunk in her bed either, she knew the routine by now. 

Hyejin stretched before changing into a more comfortable set of clothes. She slumped into her desk chair, putting her feet up on the bed and opening the folder she had retrieved from her desk. It was their current homicide case. A domestic dispute that turned into a literal nightmare. It was an all too common scenario these days.

She took a bitter sip from her coffee.

She hears Byul stir in her sleep and just when she was about to delve into the file-

“I love you.”

Hyejin flinches at the sudden soft whisper disrupting the comfortable silence, almost burning her tongue in surprise and dropping the cup of coffee altogether on the files of paper. 

She had forgotten the case she was reading and had focused instead on Byul’s sleeping form, trying to discern if what she heard was real or if her sleep-deprived mind was starting to play tricks on her. 

Byulyi was just as she left her, except her mouth was now open in her sleep and a small drool was making its way on the corner of her lips. When she realizes that Byul had merely sleep-talked which she often does now and then, Hyejin becomes all too aware of the tightness in her chest, the hitch in her breath and the sudden stiffness of her limbs. 

“Hyejin-ah,” Byul mumbles softly once more and Hyejin was frozen, watching as her heartbeat all but ceased and her lungs halted to a stop. 

The soft, warm light of the lamp was casting mysterious shadows on Byul’s face and Hyejin could only focus on the way Byul’s lips formed her next set of words. 

“You know that I love you, right?”

Then there was silence. 

Byul had clutched the pillow beside her tightly in her sleep, mumbled a few more incomprehensible words and then began to snore. Hyejin stopped her mind from conjuring images of those very arms wrapped around her waist. Her throat constricted the same way that the silence seemed to deafen her. 

When did her room become so small?

It took a few minutes of Hyejin gazing at Byul’s sleeping form, fighting the thoughts inside her head and the rampaging emotions inside her chest. 

_No_, she insisted, _I’m not_ _feeling anything_, despite the sudden weight she felt inside her rib cage.

She wiped her sweaty hands on her shirt, clenching them together to stop them from shaking and then opening the file once more. But even Hyejin can’t fool her own head, not when the words continued to echo in her ear along with all the other times that Byul had randomly uttered the words to her. It wasn’t the first time. 

_ You know that I love you, right? _

“This unnie, seriously.” 

Hyejin gives up on the file altogether; her focus, even if she tried to deny, was already elsewhere anyway. Pressing the tips of her fingers against her forehead, she whispered almost shakily.

“Of course I know, idiot ... How can I not?”

Papers of evidence, images of the crime scene and a dozen police reports were scattered on the wide desk inside the crowded room of detectives. One wall was a bulletin board of images and a map all pinned together with red pins and on the other wall was a wide one-way mirror, showing an anxious witness in the other room. 

It was too early in the morning for Hyejin to endure all this commotion. She was slumped over the desk, her head resting over her crossed arms as she attempted to ignore the other noisy inhabitants of the room. 

Luckily just before she snapped at the next person who would bother her, a paper cup from her coffee shop right across the street was placed right in front of her face. The scent of caffeine immediately invaded her. 

_Oh, sweet coffee,_ she groaned in appreciation. 

She sat straight in relief, not even bothering to thank the person who brought it and turned the cup around for her to drink. 

She paused. On the other side of the cup was written in a bold marker,  _ I LOVE YOU. _

She felt a jolt in her heart that Hyejin knew all too well to ignore. She pursed her lips, her deadpan stare connecting with amused ones. 

Byulyi was grinning her greasy smile, winking at Hyejin before turning around and peering at the witness she was about to interrogate on the other side of the one-way mirror.

Only when Byul’s back was turned to her did Hyejin allow herself to roll her eyes and smile. She noticed that her fingers had begun to trace the marked letters and Hyejin immediately turned the cup around so that the words wouldn’t stare back at her like a judge in a courtroom.

She took a grateful sip of the warm drink and felt it travel down her throat and into her empty belly. 

“Thank god for the person that invented coffee,” she breathed out.

“Did you like it?” Byul asked cheekily, her grin almost splitting her face into two.

Hyejin glared. “Nope. Too bitter,” she took another sip, a smirk hidden on the inside of her lips.

Byul burst into laughter and pouted. “Aww, but I put extra sweetness in it.”

“Maybe you should use some of your grease on the witness and maybe he’ll accidentally slip us a lead."

“What? Don’t I get a ‘thank you’ at least?”

“For what? Being annoying?”

Byul laughed. “Hey, I bring you coffee every morning and this is how you treat me? Ungrateful brat.”

“And I drive you home every night. What’s your point?”

“You say that as if you don’t endanger my life with your driving ‘skills’, if you can even call it that. I would’ve grabbed the steering wheel if only your nails weren’t so frightening. You can seriously stab someone with those things.”

“Damn right I’ll stab anyone who tries to order me around in my own damn vehicle,” Hyejin rolled her eyes. “My car, I drive. Want to drive? Get a car.”

“Being able to do something does not equal being good at it. Just because you have a car, doesn’t mean you  _ can _ drive. Which in fact, you are horrible at.”

Hyejin raised her eyebrow. “My driver’s license says otherwise.”

Byul crosses her arms. “That license’ origins are very questionable.”

“Are you implying I illegally got my license. Me, a cop?”  


“Or bribery, seduction, threats. I could honestly go on and on. Wouldn’t be the first time I heard of a corrupt official,” Byul teased. 

Hyejin glared at the woman, but the corners of her lips were quirking in temptation to smile. The other officers around them minded their business, too used to the partners’ playful quarrels. With how competitive both Hyejin and Byul were, it was a miracle that the arguments even reach an end. Honestly, Hyejin wouldn’t change a thing. The daily banters amused her.

“I’m not a horrible driver,” She denied, and then broke eye contact as she mumbled, “I just get easily distracted.”

Byul burst out into laughter, and it was then that Hyejin lost her inner battle. A second later, she was laughing along to the older woman. 

“Hyejin-ah, if you're easily distracted that doesn't really make you a great driver then, is it? You should honestly be arrested for being a threat to public safety.”

Hyejin threw a crumpled paper at the snickering brunette. 

“Alright, you win this round.”

Without warning, Byul reached across the desk and covered Hyejin’s hands around the cup of coffee. Hyejin felt a jolt inside her chest at the feeling of Byul’s warm and smooth palm cupping her own hands. She was itching to snatch them away so she could get rid of the fluttery feeling in her stomach, but first, she had to successfully gaze away from Byul’s eyes – something that was proving to be very difficult for some reason.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Byul smiled. “I’m just helping you keep the coffee warm.”

“All you’re doing is making it more bitter,” Hyejin complained, carefully removing her hands, and then subconsciously clutching them against her chest as if she’s just been burned. 

Hyejin pretends to worry over the cover of her coffee so that she didn’t have to look at Byul’s knowing stare.

“You really do need to express yourself more, Hyejin-ah,” she teased.

Hyejin rolled her eyes, deciding to use her own words against her. “If I need to be explicit about every little thing, then you don’t make a very good detective, unnie.”

“Ah, you wound me, Hwasa,” Byul put a dramatic hand over her chest, smirking as she called Hyejin by her codename. “Even when I love you so much.”

Any smart remark Hyejin had, died immediately on her lips as she felt her chest constrict and her heart leap rebelliously. 

God damnit, Byulyi had to stop ambushing her randomly with those cursed words. One of these days, she was going to have heart complications – if that was even possible with someone that claimed to have no heart.

Her light mood immediately turned sour as she shot Byul a knowing look. The woman really should know better now. 

“Byul,” Hyejin said curtly, looking down so she didn’t have to see the sheepishness creeping in Byul’s face as the older woman tried to hide the longing in her smile. Byulyi really deserved so much better than constantly getting rejected by someone like her.

Byulyi knew that tone of voice, it was a little reprimanding and little sad - it never failed to make her heart hurt however, no matter how it was said. Hyejin never just called her ‘Byul’ on normal occasions, it was either ‘Byulyi’ or ‘Byulyi-unnie.’

She giggled nervously, waving her hands.

“I know, I know,” Byul smiled sadly. “I should know better, right? Then you should know better as well, Hyejinie.”

Hyejin’s eyebrows met in confusion. She tried not to let the pounding in her heart distract her from the next few words escaping through Byul’s pink lips.

Byul smiled and leaned forward, enough that Hyejin could see the sincerity etched in her eyes.

“I will never stop telling you how I feel, as long as I feel it. I do love you.”

Inside, Hyejin felt her heart stop - all heart beat ceasing, her breath pausing, and her mind going blank. Inside, it had become frighteningly quiet - the silence astounding and accusing at her for the lies she would continuously tell herself in a desperate facade of independence and security. Her hands were sweaty and she could feel her eyes welling. She couldn’t even blink.

It pisses her off. This emotion. This emotional response to those words because for as long as Hyejin had lived she promised herself  _ never _ to feel this way for  _ anyone.  _ Promised herself those words would mean nothing if they were told to her. Promised herself that she wouldn’t let herself go through the same misery that had broken her own parents. She had seen enough, hasn’t she?

She should know better.

Yet right there, in that moment, in front of this beautiful person with her beautiful smile and her fidgeting hands - Hyejin just  _ knows _ that Byul is anxious. Yet he’s still brave enough to face the lion and present herself as willing prey all in the name of showing her conviction.

It was breaking down her walls. And it was also pissing her off. 

Because she’s not supposed to be feeling this way, and yet she is. All because of this woman. 

Outwardly, Hyejin scowls, her gaze turning fatal and she could see the very second that Byul braced herself for the incoming rejection. 

“Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” Hyejin says, not meeting Byul’s eyes as she stands, gathering her papers on the desk and leaving the coffee behind. “Let’s go meet the witness. Get this good cop-bad cop over with so we can eat breakfast.”

Just like that, as cold as ever, Hyejin is out the door. 

Byul wets her lip - a chuckle escaping in a breath. By now, she’s used to this feeling in her chest, the kind that makes her breath tremble and her throat constrict. This was just a normal day for the both of them after all; this push-and-pull. She rubbed her palm over her face tiredly, before picking up the coffee Hyejin left and following her out the door.

“Hyejinah! You left your coffee. Really, you’re so forgetful.”

It was a year ago, Byul recalls as she waits in line at the convenience store to pay for her partner’s ramen. 

A year had passed since the first time Byul had said those three little words to her while Hyejin was a drunken mess. The woman had such a low tolerance when it came to alcohol that it induced the pity of any drinking buddy she had. It amused Byul to no end how despite this fact, it would always be Hyejin that dragged her to a bar. Byul didn’t mind at all; the younger woman wasn’t an overbearing or a loud drunk, unlike a certain unnie she knew.

A drunk Hyejin only meant becoming unusually chatty and affectionate, sprinkled with an almost addicting dose of flirting. If she was bold when sober, a drunk Hyejin was more so. Only in this aspect was she a handful. 

A drunk Hyejin was not for the weak-hearted. 

Fortunately for Byul, or so she thought, they had been partners for four years, not counting the years they spent in the Academy together. Already having an established closeness and intimacy with each other, a little flirting and a couple of touches were nothing new. There were no secrets between them – that tends to happen with someone you would literally risk your life to save. 

They always had the most amusing and sincere conversations that Byul genuinely enjoyed. It wasn’t anything unusual at first, just good friends hanging around, drinking and having fun. 

Well, at least up until it wasn’t. A dozen drinking sessions later and Byul had begun to feel a little differently – the feeling in her chest increasing at an alarming rate.

One day, her heart skipped a beat quite intensely while watching Hyejin laugh at a puppy tripping over its own tail, as if it was the most hilarious thing she had seen in her life. Her eyes had scrunched into a line and her mouth open wide to show her white teeth; the sound of her laughter, husky and yet so endearing. 

Byul could never forget that one laugh, that one moment when it was seemingly made clear to her why she had been so aware of Hyejin lately, all the little touches she noticed and began to look forward to. Why she suddenly noticed that Hyejin’s skin was most beautiful under the warm light of the setting sun, or how tender and fleeting most of her touches were against Byul’s skin, or how her eyes were so expressive that Byul only needed to gaze at them to know what Hyejin is feeling. 

How did Byul not notice all of these little endearing things about her before?

She had seen her laugh a hundred times, and yet that one time was different. It triggered something inside her that she felt was always there, just lying dormant but was now awaken. 

Byul could no longer deny it. It was not the first time she felt this that she wouldn’t be able to recognize it when it was knocking at her door. Love. 

Easily, just like that, ever since that very moment, every single thing that Hyejin did, there was not one where Byul’s heart didn’t skip a beat. 

Curse her heart, it always fell for people who had issues with the concept of love. Hyejin could not be clearer in her repulsion with anything even remotely romantic. Almost everyday she would boast about her inability to fall in love due to her lack of a heart, and almost everyday Byul’s chest hurt a little bit more. 

Byul remembered that it was Valentine’s day the first time she confessed. Hyejin had the urge to drink herself into oblivion, mourning that her best friend Wheein had succumb to a co-worker’s offer for a date. There were roses everywhere, the dark shade ironically matching Hyejin’s lipstick (since then Byul could not think or see roses without thinking of how much they resemble her). 

Beautiful petals wrapped in thorns.

They laid beside each other on Hyejin’s bed after drinking until the early hours of dawn. Byul sobering under the chilly wind and Hyejin already passed out drunk. Against her better judgment, she ran her fingers through Hyejin’s long, dark tresses, savoring how the soft strands felt sliding between her fingers. She traced Hyejin’s sleeping face with her fingertips, committing to memory every perfect detail – the slant of her nose, her thin eyebrows, the fullness of her lips, her plump cheeks that she pinches to annoy her. 

Ah, she had thought that moment, so this was what an astronomer must feel like when looking up at the universe. To dedicate their whole lives gazing up into the stars, falling in love with their incomprehensible beauty and knowing that no matter what they do or how hard they might try, they would never get close enough to grasp its shining light into their hands. Never to call them their own. 

She wished she knew how people choose who they love. But looking at the masterpiece that is Ahn Hyejin, it wasn’t really a mystery why she fell so hard. What was there not to love? If only, the woman knew how to love back. 

The tears had unknowingly fallen unto Hyejin’s bed sheets before she had the chance to do anything else. At that moment, Byul hated being an emotional drunk.

“Unnie,” Hyejin had suddenly slurred, as she sleepily peered into Byul’s face. Her fingertips drunkenly reaching out to touch Byul’s tears, as if confirming that they were in fact real. “Why are you crying?”

Byul’s lungs had almost caved in at the softness in Hyejin’s voice. How can being with someone feel so fulfilling and yet painful all at the same time?

“Hyejin-ah,” she whispered towards a drunk Hyejin. “Would you hate me if I said that I love you?”

Byulyi discovered the next day, that no matter how drunk and wasted Ahn Hyejin was – she still remembers everything.  


_ “Moonstar is in position.” _

Hyejin rolled her eyes. If the situation wasn’t so grave, she might’ve teased Byul for being such a dork. Five years of being a detective, Byulyi still acted like she was in an action movie. 

“Ready here,” she replied.

Breathing deeply and leaning against the wall beside the backdoor of the house, Hyejin willed her heart to calm down as her earpiece went silent. Her hands were shaking as she grasped her gun. An ambush was always nerve-wracking; one mistake and everything could end terribly. 

_ “I’m coming in _ ,” Byul’s voice whispered through the earpiece.  _ “Radio silence.” _

Holding her breath, Hyejin shook the bad thoughts out of her head and focused. She gulped down the worried words that she wanted to utter and instead reminded herself that her partner was a trained professional. Moon Byulyi was the best in the precinct when it came to hand-to-hand combat; Hyejin, in her head, tried to convince herself that there was nothing to worry about.

For a couple of minutes, there was an almost ominous silence. 

She hated waiting; she hated staying still. 

Her feet were itching to enter the house just in case Byul was in trouble. She clenched the gun’s handle tighter.  _ Stick to the plan, _ Hyejin reminded herself. She wasn’t going to enter not until Byul cleared the house or if she heard some form of struggle. Today, she was their lookout.

But god, it was taking too long. She should’ve heard something by now, but instead there was silence. She took several deep breaths, making sure that her thoughts didn’t wander off to undesirable scenarios. 

Sometimes she hated how dangerous their job was, not because Hyejin wasn’t prepared to get hurt or be placed in a compromising situation but because she hated worrying over Byul. There were days where Hyejin was tempted to knock Byul out and handcuff her to the car just so she wouldn’t willingly risk her life to save others. But she chose to be a cop, and Byul did as well. Dying was an occupational hazard. 

_ Crash! _

Then it was followed by a gunshot and a feminine yell; a voice that has haunted Hyejin’s dreams too many times. 

As the sound traveled to her ears, Hyejin’s heart simultaneously stopped, her mouth suddenly dry. Then it was as if her body acted on its own accord. She felt nothing, not fear nor worry. Her face had morphed into steel and her grip losing its tremble as her instincts went overdrive. Kicking the backdoor open, she rushed inside the dimly lit home. The crashing sound had come from the second floor, but now the house was drenched once more in silence. There were no movements upstairs and Hyejin had to ignore the painful ache inside her chest at what that might mean. 

Wanting to frantically call out Byul’s name, she bit her lip. Byulyi would be fine, she repeated in her head like a mantra.

Then there were footsteps against the floorboards. Slow and heavy. Only one pair. Her chest was about to cave in at the sudden realization.

Hyejin silently went up the stairs. Each step carefully taken and alert eyes peering up to the second floor. 

Then a figure suddenly rushed to the top of the stairs, and something snapped inside Hyejin as she pointed the gun towards the figure without hesitation.

“Don’t shoot! It’s me!”

At the sound of Byul’s voice, Hyejin felt an enormous weight lifted off her chest. Inwardly, she sighed in relief. Had she truly stopped breathing since she heard that crash? Her lips trembled at the sight of Byul standing at the top of the stairs. Almost instinctively, her eyes began to roam over the woman’s body, checking for blood or injuries. 

_ She’s fine _ , Hyejin assured herself,  _ she’s fine _ .

“I heard a gunshot. What happened?” She snapped at the gir l.

“There’s something you should see.”

There was an urgency in her voice and Byul was gone as soon as she came. 

"Byulyi-unnie!" Hyejin whispered harshly as she jogged after the older brunette. 

The second floor of the house looked as decrepit as the first. Worn clothes were scattered without care and the stale scent that seemed to exude from the walls itself were ever prevalent. The dim light that came through the curtains casted the rooms in an eerie glow. It unsettled Hyejin. The mere fact that she could no longer hear Byul's shuffles increased her worry once more.

_ 'Get a hold of yourself, Hwasa! She can take care of herself. Byulyi had the same training as you for god's sake,' _ she scolded herself.  _ 'And you only just saw her. She's fine.' _

As soon as the words crossed her mind, a loud thud came from one of the rooms followed by a cry of pain and Hyejin's heart jolted once more. Before she knew what she was doing, her feet had already rushed inside the room only to find Byulyi clutching at her foot.

"What happened?" Hyejin asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice. 

Byul smiled sheepishly, the muscles in her nose squeezing in embarrassment. "Hit my foot on the cabinet."

Hyejin, for the hundredth time that day, inwardly sighed in relief. However, outwardly, she had to roll her eyes.

"Where is he? Should I call for back-up?" 

She scanned the room for any sign of their perpetrator. The only thing that greeted her though was a very messy bedroom.

"Don’t. In the restroom," Byul gestured with her head.

Hyejin furrowed her eyes in confusion. There was no sound coming from inside the restroom, nor were there any signs of struggle, so they couldn't have had an altercation. Did the man surrender so easily? Or perhaps... he was already dead. That would explain the gunshot from earlier. If so, Hyejin was just relieved that it wasn’t Byulyi at the end of the barrel.

She clenched her gun tightly as she walked towards the room. Inching it open, she peered through the slight gap and saw... nothing. An empty bathroom. She nudged the door wide open with her foot only to further confirm what she already saw. There was no man here.

"He's not here," she backed away, marching to walk out of the room and check the house once again. "Did you leave him there? Come on, he might’ve hidden somewhere in the house.”

Before she could exit the door, however, Byul stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. Hyejin examined her partner's face: there was no hint of worry, urgency and panic, only that her eyes crinkled slightly and the corner of her lips twitched as if she was preventing herself from laughing. 

"What's going on?"

"Check the room again-"

"Why? Stop playing around! The suspect-"

"Isn't here," Byul answered simply. "Check the room again."

"For fuck's sake, unnie," Hyejin snarled, but trudged back into the restroom all the same. "Now is not the time for your games."

She pushed the door open more forcibly. 

Her eyes scanned the tight space. No signs of blood, means of escape or anything telling of where the perp may have ran to. It was a dirty restroom. She entered the room, opening the cabinets and rummaging through bottles of medicine and what looked to be illegal drugs but all these evidences are things they've already uncovered from the perp's previous home. 

Hyejin turned around, irritated at her time wasted, only to catch a glimpse of the mirror and what was written there in red lipstick,  _ "I love u. Do u love me?" _

Her heart went into a mild attack the same second that her blood began to boil in anger.

"Did you find it? It's pretty damning evidence," Byul said from outside. 

There were trickles of amusement all over her voice. 

“I was hoping you could help solve that mystery.”

The tension inside Hyejin snapped. She took out the handkerchief inside her pockets and aggressively wiped away the lipstick from the mirror until there was only a light red smudge.

And to think that she had been  _ so _ worried for this idiot.

"Hyejin?" 

Byul was approaching the door but Hyejin could no longer think of anything but the loud pounding of her heart in her ears.

The next thing she knew, she was shoving Byul angrily against the wall, panting heavily while the older woman gaped at her with wide eyes. She glared at Byul.

"Is everything a joke to you? Because that was not fucking funny," she said furiously, before letting go of Byul's uniform and marching out of the room. She could hear Byul calling after her but all Hyejin could do was walk faster out of that suddenly suffocating house.

"Hyejin-ah, wait, I didn't mean to-"

She turned abruptly, making Byul who was following in her footsteps, stumble back.

"You were seriously way out of line there, Byul. Our job is not some kind of joke! I shouldn’t have to tell you this! You know we have protocols for this sort of thing, and playing around is  _ not _ one of them. That fucking gunshot almost killed me with worry! Were you even thinking?” She chuckled bitterly, almost mocking. “Guess not!”

By the end of her sentence, Hyejin was already out of the door and angrily trudging into their police car. Byul caught up in no time, grabbing her partner’s wrist and flinching when the woman snatched it from her aggressively.

“No, you don’t get to explain. There is no reason valid enough. So just get in the car and drive me home because I’ve had enough shit for today,” Hyejin clenched her teeth together in anger.

But Byul refused to let her pass through. 

“Look, I cleared the house and checked every room before doing it. There's two days worth of mail in the front door and the milk has started to go bad in the kitchen. No possible lead as to where he might have moved. He was gone even before we got here. I would  _ never _ put us in any real danger," she tried to console. "You were just so worried and tense earlier and I... I just wanted to ease you up a little bit. I didn’t do it to be funny, or make fun of you, Hyejin-ah. I’m sorry."

Byul began to fidget uncomfortably under Hyejin’s intense stare. 

After a minute of silence, Hyejin shook her head, unable to look Byul in the eye. “How would you ever expect me to believe you when you say those words when this is how you say it? It never feels serious enough.”

Suddenly it seemed as if all of the words Byul wanted to say dried up on her lips, and Hyejin just couldn’t bare watching the woman’s face so crestfallen. She turned around and marched towards the passenger door of their police car. 

“Just get in the car and drive, Byul.”

  
  


They drove in an uncomfortable silence. There was no talking with Hyejin when she was this pissed after all. 

Byul tried to recall the last time she felt this kind of discomfort in Hyejin’s company. She could only remember two instances: when they met the first time and became bunkmates all the way back to the academy, and then a year ago, the morning after Byul first confessed to her. Even then, they were quick to resolve their differences - that’s half the reason why they were such great partners. Words were rarely needed for them to understand each other. 

Everything about them from their companionship, partnership and friendship was effortless, except this. This ‘thing’ that was both so clear and so vague at the same time was frustratingly complicated.

Just like how Byul knew what Hyejin really felt for her despite the woman fervently denying it even to herself. Byul had always somewhat known, it was like an inkling. She wasn’t dense after all.

It was already night time when they stopped in front of Hyejin’s apartment complex. She turned off the car’s engine and suddenly they were drenched in a deafening silence. Byul half-expected for her partner to just step out of the car and leave without another word but Hyejin remained in her seat, looking out of the window in serious contemplation. 

Byul realized that perhaps she was waiting for her to say something. And so she says the one thing that has been echoing in her head since Hyejin’s last words to her.

“I am never not serious, Hyejin.”

“We don’t need to talk,” Hyejin’s voice was hoarse, thick with emotion. “See you tomorrow.”

“Wait, Hyejin,” Byul took a deep breath, and faced her. “What I did, it was unprofessional, inappropriate and it was an asshole move. Especially the gunshot, that was uncalled for. I don’t blame you for being irritated with me right now,” she swallowed the lump in her throat. “But I am  _ always _ serious with those words, Hyejin. Maybe I just don’t know how else to say it to you, I’m just-” Her voice shakes. “-struggling to find other ways of saying it in a way that I’ll get some kind of response from you.”

Hyejin still refused to face her, but by the clenching of her fists, Byul knows she was heard. They were enveloped in silence once more, this time it was more suffocating. 

This was a small argument, yes, what Byul did was essentially forgivable but it did unravel a topic that Hyejin had always desperately tried to bury down. 

“I should go,” Hyejin said, prying the door open with shaking hands.

Byul clenched her eyes shut in frustration, pressing her fingers against her closed eyelids. Typical, of course, it was always this way whenever this topic would revive itself. Hyejin would always find some way to escape. 

Byul tried to ignore the sounds of her heart breaking into a million pieces, for the thousandth time now. At times she wondered how she could even feel sometimes, thinking that by the amount of times she’s been rejected, her heart shouldn’t even be alive anymore. 

She reached over to Hyejin’s side and closed the door the moment it opened. Their eyes met. 

“No, not this time,” Byul said, convincing herself she was brave despite the tightness of her chest. “Not until you say something.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Hyejin says, stubbornly.

“Just once, can you please… be honest with yourself,” Byul answered. “Tell me honestly, even just once,” she struggled to breathe the words out. “Then I’ll stop bothering you about this.”

Again, silence.

In that moment, Byul desperately wanted to get inside Hyejin’s head, just to know what she was thinking. 

Abruptly, Hyejin rested her elbows on her knees with her face falling into her hands. Her expression was covered but the way her fingers tightened against her temples was telling of her distress.

“We’ve talked about this before, Byulyi.”

They have. The morning after the night that Byul confessed.

The memory was as clear as day in Byul’s head, so was the sudden ache in her heart at remembering that very first rejection from her.

“You’re telling me that nothing has changed since then?” Byul asked, wishing that her voice didn’t sound so desperate.

With her head in her hands, Hyejin let out a deep sigh.

Hesitation. Byul noticed her hesitation in answering, and she prevented the tiny bud of hope in her heart from blossoming. She always notices even the smallest things when it comes to Hyejin. The tone of her voice, the stress of her words, even the slightest of pauses. 

All too suddenly Hyejin looks up and their gazes met, Byul almost couldn’t bare the contact.

“You have to move on,” she said firmly. “This is never going to happen.”

Byul had to look away and so she did. Her hands were trembling.

“Why…” Byul chuckled silently, but there was no humor in it. It was almost like she was laughing at herself, for being so pathetic. 

“Why do you try so hard to lie to yourself?”

Hyejin scowled. The fight in her already awakened. It was one thing for Hyejin to personally admit her flaws, but it was a matter of pride when others would call her out in them.

“If you’re going to question the sincerity of everything I say, then there is no point in saying anything.”

“You  _ know _ you’re lying.” Byul’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. “If you don’t, then say that you don’t. If you do, then say that you do! Don’t show me one thing and then say another because I’m not  _ dense _ , Hyejin! I  _ know _ .”

“Alright!” Hyejin shouted. They were both angry now, both furious, desperate, frustrated and confused. Emotions that blended into a toxic mix that infused their tongues with the deadliest poisons. 

“You  _ want _ to hear it? I  _ don’t _ love you, Byulyi. And even if I do, I don’t  _ want _ to. I told you that I chose to have this job specifically because it requires a rock solid heart and a concrete gut and I have an excessive amount of both!”

Byul knew she was lying, of course she did. Being partners for five years meant she knew how to read Hyejin pretty well. She wasn’t as hard-walled as she’d like to portray. No, the Hyejin she had come to love and adore was sensitive, emotional and actually pretty soft. Why she insisted on this tough persona with a spite for vulnerability was just some form of defense mechanism. 

However that didn’t mean that hearing the words didn’t hurt. No, it was excruciatingly painful. Almost like she was being skinned alive and all her organs ripped out from their veins. 

It angered her so much. This blatant stubbornness and denial. 

“You’re just afraid.”

Hyejin scoffed. “Rule number one of self-preservation. You’re a cop, you should know that.”

“Well being a cop also means you should be able to look the truth in the eye, no matter how unappealing to you. You should also know that.”

“I am though,” Hyejin says firmly, her gaze glassy but unwavering. “You think I’m doing this out of spite? That it doesn’t hurt me to reject you? But I have gone over this in my head for a thousand times and there is  _ no _ ,” she emphasized. “ _ No _ way we can ever work. I  _ don’t _ believe in relationships. People leave, Byul. If they don’t, then they die but that’s leaving you all the same. And I can’t allow myself to be so dependent on someone that their absence would crush me,” Hyejin snapped. 

Byul scoffed. “Some relationships  _ do _ work, Hyejin. I  _ know _ you didn’t have the best childhood but you don’t have to convince yourself that you’ll end up with the same fate as your parents the moment that you get too close to love.”

She didn’t like how close to the truth that was. It was a near bull’s eye. And like any wild animal when cornered, Hyejin lashes out in retaliation.

“I’d rather not risk it. And so far, not  _ feeling _ anything is doing great for me,” Hyejin replied. “Besides, you’re clearly not over Yongsun-unnie and maybe you’re just finding a substitute for all your leftover affection. You  _ don’t  _ love me, Byul. You just think you do because you’re not used to being with just yourself. It just so happens that I’m the most accessible.”

The moment the words left Hyejin’s lips, she knew immediately that she had gone too far. Her partner and their sergeant were once lovers some two years ago, how that ended Hyejin wasn’t all too sure. At the time, she had vehemently tried to remove herself from the couple’s company when they were together. She also tried to reason in her head that it wasn’t because of the painful twisting in her chest.

Byul gaped at her, but Hyejin could see her bottom lip tremble as if she had truly dragged the words from the brunette’s mouth.

In her eyes, there was a spark of anger. A ferocity that Hyejin hadn’t seen in the gentle woman’s features before. Byul was rarely angry but on the rare occasions that she was, even Hwasa herself is slightly intimidated.

“That is the most insulting thing I have ever heard in my life. To think that you, out of everyone, would think that I am  _ that _ kind of person,” Byul scowled. 

Hyejin wanted to take the words back, but her pride wouldn’t allow her lips to open.

Their eyes connected, each refusing to back down, and they would’ve stayed that way if Hyejin wasn’t so attuned with the changes on Byul’s expression. The older woman’s lips were dry from her shaky breath, and her hands were shaking from pent up frustration. But what broke Hyejin the most was the intensity she saw in Byul’s eyes. Her normally calm eyes that brought comfort to Hyejin whenever she would look at them; now, she could barely stand seeing the storm brewing in Byul’s irises, destroying the serenity there. Knowing that she was the one that caused all that chaos made it worse.

She strengthened her resolve. The sooner she ripped this band-aid off, the sooner they could both forget about the pain and start to heal.

Hyejin tightened her jaw.

“Byulyi, I will only hurt you because I am the problem. We are always going to have issues because of me, and we will just end up both unhappy with a relationship beyond repair. It’s best that you move on and find someone better,” Hyejin gulped. 

She averted her eyes, knowing what she was going to say next would seal the deal. Possibly maybe even make Byul hate her. 

“I’m going to file a request of transfer from-”

“ _ What?!”  _ Byul exclaimed. If she was angry before, she was furious now. “A transfer? You’d really rather have  _ nothing _ to do with me than confront for one second what you feel, don’t you? Don’t tell me you can’t love when I see it in your eyes. The only thing that’s standing between us is you!”

“That’s right!” Hyejin said through gritted teeth. “I will always be difficult because that’s just who I am. And you will always willingly bear the pain, because that’s just who you are. I take, you give. Sooner or later, you’re going to run out. And I refuse to destroy you, Byul,” Hyejin forced the words through her own teeth. “Someday you are going to thank me for not letting this go any further than it has to and for ending it right now. Think about it, unnie. If I really loved you, how can I ever stomach to hurt you like this? It’s because I don’t. Not enough to fight for it, anyway.”

The words were out of her lips before she could think on it, and even her heart broke as they traveled through her eardrums. She didn’t mean to be so harsh, but Byul was so persistent that she had to come on stronger. Hyejin almost couldn’t look at Byul’s expression knowing what she’d find there.

However, she was already looking at her. Just that she couldn’t process the wet substances that rebelliously trailed down Byul’s cheeks, some slipping into her open lips.

This was the first time she had ever seen Byulyi cried, and with every drop, Hyejin hated herself even more. She clenched her hands tightly against her side, fighting against herself to wipe the tears away. 

Byul seemed to realize then that she was crying. Ah, so she had finally reached her breaking point. She desperately blinked the tears away but even more dropped onto her lap; she had to tighten her jaw to stop them. 

When her eyes wouldn’t, she took an audible gasp of breath, almost a whimper, and turned away to look out her window. She turned her back against Hyejin, not wanting her partner to see her so weak. 

She couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Whimpers in her heart stuck in her throat, it needed to be let out into an ugly cry before they choked her. But not now, not in front of Hyejin. 

At hearing Hyejin’s words, the fight in her was subdued. She felt like a kicked puppy, thrown in the rain, neglected by the family who she hoped would love her. 

In her current state, she wouldn’t be able to say anything without bursting out into tears anyway.

Hyejin, on other hand, couldn’t take her eyes off the damage she had done. What the fuck was wrong with her? It hurt, seeing Byul like this, but she committed it to memory just to solidify in her head why they shouldn’t be together. 

She will only hurt her. 

If they were together, this wouldn’t be the last time Byul would be in tears; for Byul’s sake, it was better to end it before it even began. She had seen it all before, just like her parents. It was like a sickening replay of those old movies during Sunday nights she hated to watch.  


When it was clear to Hyejin that Byul was done fighting, she took it as her cue to leave. How did this day turn out like this? But it was no wonder anyway, they were already on the edge about all this, it was a matter of when they would tip over the edge. Today was that day.

Byul was turned away from Hyejin, she could see her shoulders slightly shaking and her hand covering her lips.

“I’ll-” Hyejin started weakly. "I’ll see you tomorrow.”

There was no response from Byul. 

Hyejin had to clench her hands against her thighs, her sharp nails almost protruding the fabric of her uniform and marking her skin. Every fiber of her being was begging her brain to take back her words, to just give in and wrap her arms around her partner, comfort her until the tears were gone as if they were never there. But if there was anything Hyejin was infamous for, it was her rock-solid conviction. 

When she said she didn’t have a heart, she wholeheartedly believed it. 

She stepped out of the car without another word, without another look back at Byul for fear that her willpower may finally crumble if she sees Byul’s shoulders trembling one more time. The only sound that filled the chilly night was her heels tapping rhythmically like drums against the cobblestones in her front yard. 

Taking almost no time in unlocking her door, she entered the darkness of her home and pressed her back against the wooden surface. She heard Byul drive off and suddenly she was embraced by silence.

An almost numbing nothingness. Her throat was tight and her eyelids felt heavy with water. She slid down against the door and cradled her head against her hands. She tried to recall if there was still some alcohol or beer left in her fridge. 

She also tried to convince herself that it was merely sweat that was running down her cheeks and not anything else.

It was going to be a long night. 

Moon Byulyi groaned for the hundredth time that morning as the sound of that damned ringtone penetrated her eardrums once again and split her head open. Whose phone was that so she could smash it into pieces already? She rubbed her temples with her fingers, as the pounding in her head intensified. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a hangover but she could’ve sworn it didn’t feel this hellish. 

Well, what happened last night might’ve added to how miserable she felt this morning.

_ “I don’t love you, Byulyi. Even if I do, I don’t want to.” _

_ “We will never work.” _

_ “You have to move on.” _

_ “I take, you give. Someday, you will run out.” _

_ “Not enough to fight for it, anyway.” _

“If someone doesn’t turn off that fucking ringtone right now, so help me, I _ will _ smash your phone into bits and feed it to you!” She yelled, glaring at anyone that so much looks her way. Her voice sounded so much better than the one in her head that she almost wanted to shout again. 

Every police officer inside the precinct thought differently however, as they froze silent. The only sound that remained was the damn ringtone before it too was quickly turned off after much fumbling from the owner. She glared at each and every one of them, and it took no more than that for the rest of her co-workers to back-off. 

Byulyi was rarely pissed but when she was, there was not one brave soul that dared challenge her. She wasn’t known as the best in hand-to-hand combat for nothing.

“Thank god!” She exclaimed at her newfound silence, before slumping back down to her desk chair.

She tried her hardest not to glimpse at the desk right across her own, to the one that her partner owned. She already knew from the hundredth time she’d gaze at it since she arrived this morning that it would remain empty. 

“Byulyi-”

“ _ WHAT?”  _ She snapped, all but prepared to rip the person who bothered her in this godforsaken day into shreds. 

It was their newest intern and she had managed to make the university student tremble in his feet. 

“Th-the,” he stuttered, gaze stuck on the floor in anxiety. “The se-sergeant called fo-for you in her office.”

Byul felt a sting of guilt at the sight of the boy so fearful, but it didn’t lessen the annoyance she felt with the world. 

“I’m going,” she stood, then paused before turning to the intern. “Sorry I yelled at you.”

She trudged with heavy steps towards the door she was oh-so familiar with. What did Kim Yong-sun want with her now? She knocked once before twisting the knob and entering. 

“You look like hell.”

Byul rolled her eyes at the woman sitting at the desk, who was looking at what seemed to be police reports.

“Feel like it. Do you have any aspirin?”

“Drawer, top shelf,” Yongsun gestured with her head. 

Byul nodded and started rummaging for the medicine that would undoubtedly transform her into a more decent human being again. 

“So what’s all the shouting about?” Yongsun asked, an amused expression on her face. “I’ve gotten some complaints from the other detectives about your mood today-”

“Bunch of snitches,” Byul mumbled as she drank the aspirin. 

“They’re just worried. They’re not trying to throw you under the bus or anything,” Yongsun said. The silence that followed told Byul that her sergeant was expecting her to explain her behaviour.

Well, she wasn’t exactly up to it. So instead Byul slumped in the chair facing Yong’s desk, and tried in vain to block the light from torturing her eyes. 

Yongsun sighed. “You must’ve drank half of the bar. I haven’t seen you that hangover since the academy.”

“Yeah well,” Byul paused, her throat suddenly constricting. “It takes more than a few shots before you feel completely numb.”

It was followed once again by a short pause. Yongsun’s way of giving her another opportunity to explain herself but again, Byul felt less than thrilled to relive the emotional trauma and the breakdown that followed right after.

Besides, the sergeant at the very least had an idea of her troubles; she was Byul’s most trusted confidant when it came to her feelings for Hyejin after all. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel Yongsun’s eyes observing her. 

“Have you eaten anything at least?”

“I had a burger on the way here.”

“Here,” Byul opened her eye at the offer. Yongsun threw a banana at her lap. “Eat some bananas.”

She snorted. “Funny sentence,”

Yongsun grinned. “I should let you know that alcohol is a depressant. So instead of making you feel better, it actually makes things worse. Next time you feel miserable, just eat bananas or chocolates. They have serotonin, you know the hormone that makes people happy and stuff.”

The overly happy way the sergeant explained it caused a small smile to crack onto Byul’s lips. 

“Thanks for the lecture,” Byul teased. In the end, she peeled the banana and ate it anyway. “I think I just uncovered your secret to being so active. Bananas.”

Yongsun was peeling one for herself and outstretched hers towards Byul’s. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

Byul groaned at the first bite. Her tongue was so parched from all the drinking she did the night before that absolutely anything would’ve tasted heavenly. 

“So, besides the complaints of my temper, did you call for me just to check if I had breakfast or what? If so, this mothering habit of yours  _ really _ shows your age,” she teased.

She was feeling slightly better. Maybe the bananas did work after all. 

Yongsun glared playfully, throwing the peel at a snickering Byul.

“Actually I wanted to ask you why you left me 20 missed calls last night, then showed up hangover and yelling at anyone within a 5 foot radius this morning,” Yongsun eyed her knowingly. “What happened last night?”

Byul rubbed her tired eyes, sighing. “I just needed someone to drinking buddy. I already explained that in the text I sent you this morning, right?”

“That’s a really curious thing though, because usually when you need a drinking buddy, you don’t come to me first. That’s literally Hyejin’s role,” Yong added. The question in the sentence was painfully obvious at that point.

“Well, you can’t really drink to forget your problems with the one who causes said problems,” Byul mumbled. 

Yongsun sat back in her chair, her gaze towards Byul turning sympathetic. 

“Ah. I knew it,” she paused. “Sorry I couldn’t be there for you last night. I was literally dead on my bed, an elephant in my room wouldn’t have woken me.”

Byul waves off her apology. “It’s fine, really. I wasn’t exactly good company last night. Did you know I almost got into a fight over a glass of water? Granted I don’t remember much of it myself.”

Yongsun sighed. “Byul, what happened? Was it that bad?”

There was no escaping Yongsun’s curiosity and concern, Byul knew. She really was like a mother when she acted this way. Byulyi took a deep breath as she told the events of yesterday in the shortest and least painful version possible. She omitted their conversation in the car, for obvious reasons.

By the end of her story, Yongsun looked equal parts astounded and annoyed.

“Wow,” was the first thing she said.

Byul groaned. ”Don’t say it.”

“That was a really-”

“Don’t say-”

“-really stupid move. Completely moronic.”

Byul huffed in annoyance.

“You really didn’t think that one through huh? I mean, I could get you suspended for that alone. Spoiling a potential crime scene. Seriously, what kind of rookie-”

“I get it, okay! It wasn’t my brightest moment. Now would you quit nagging me.”

Yongsun shook her head. “What were you  _ even _ thinking? I know you take pride in being naturally annoying, but this really surpasses every standard you’ve set for yourself.”

“You know, you could be a little kinder.”

Yongsun decides to act deaf. “The idiocy really jumped out, huh. The gunshot? Can you imagine how scared she must’ve felt? If I were in Hyejin’s position, I would’ve shot you in the leg. Did you think that was remotely romantic or-”

“No! Ugh,” Byul slapped her palm on her forehead in frustration. “I was just… really touched. She was so worried that I was going to get hurt and she was trying so hard not to show it. I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to tease her for it because she normally doesn’t get flustered. The next thing I know the whole thing got a little out of hand. I regret everything, okay.”

“Maybe you should’ve yelled ‘April Fools!’ at the end, maybe that would’ve helped.”

“Shut up. We’re in the middle of November,” Byul grumbled sullenly, throwing the banana peel at her snickering sergeant. 

“How angry was she?” Yongsun asked after a pause.

Byul sighed. Her head repeating the very pissed off expression of Hyejin in her memory and the sharp words that came with it. She tried to ignore the sudden sting inside her chest. “Long story short, I asked her if her feelings for me remained the same since the last time we had the talk-”

“Oh no,” Yongsun groaned. “You had  _ the _ talk again?”

“And she basically rejected me, again,” It tasted foul in her mouth, like spoiled milk. “She also brutally enumerated every possible reason under the damn sun why we wouldn’t ever work out, and told me that she didn’t love me. Well, not enough for her to fight for it, anyway,” she got all of the story out as quickly as her mouth would allow so that she wouldn’t have to feel the pain those words inflicted upon her twice.  


“Ouch,” Yongsun grimaced, looking at Byul with all the sympathy she could muster. “I now understand the urge to drink yourself to death.”

“What’s worse is that-” Byul gulped down the knot forming in her throat. “I can’t even be mad at her!” she chuckles humorlessly. “All the things she said, they hurt and are essentially horrible. But I know her, and I know it comes from a good place. She doesn’t trust in relationships; not in herself, not in others and… not in me. All this time, I’ve been fighting so hard against her walls and she’s fighting back twice as hard and it’s come to the point that it’s just… painful.”

Her eyes focused on the reddening patch of skin on her finger from all the fidgeting she was doing, but she’d rather focus entirely on her hand than meet Yongsun’s eyes while she bled her heart out. 

“Byul. Coming into this, you already know that Hyejin’s a difficult person. Imagine being a child and going through your parent’s divorce alone. Her insecurities and trauma runs deep, so of course, she would be terrified of history possibly repeating itself,” Yongsun’s voice had turned soft. “And if that’s not enough, her job solidifies all of her fears. She handles cases ranging from domestic violence, and divorce. Broken relationships. She knows how ugly things could end and witnessed first-hand what it does to people.”

“I  _ know  _ that. I know.” Byul mumbled. “I’m just asking for a  _ chance _ . To prove to her that we can be different, that we are. That it  _ can  _ work. It works if two people want it to work, but…” she chuckled humorlessly. “She doesn’t even want to fight for it.”

_ Doesn’t want to fight for me. _

“She loves you,” Yongsun states confidently, despite Byul’s dubious look. “That’s why she won’t give this a chance because she wholeheartedly believes that she’ll end up hurting you. She doesn’t want that, because  _ she _ does love you.”

“I’m not fragile,” Byul angrily replied. “I don’t need her protection. I just need her! Baggage or no baggage, I’m willing to carry everything, I just want to be with her,” she says, frustratedly.

Yongsun sighed, shaking her head. “This is a mess. It’s because the both of you are so stubborn. You being so persistent might not have helped too. I mean, that  _ can _ get annoying especially if you’re not really prepared for a relationship yet.”

“What?” Byul burst out in disbelief. “ _ You’re _ the one that told me to keep making the first move!”

Yongsun grinned sheepishly. “Yeah! Because I thought that would soften her, but I didn’t tell you to say ‘ _ i love you _ ’ every second of everyday! You pressured her.”

“ _ What?!”  _ Byul scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at Yongsun. “You’re the one who  _ literally _ told me to do just that! You said if I kept saying it, she’d never stop considering it! Those were your words!”

Yongsun rubbed her neck. “Well it looked like it was working and then you pull this stupid shit with the gunshot yesterday and  _ now _ she’s angry!”

“Your advice sucks,” Byul sulked.

“My advice was top-notch. Your execution of it was terrible.”

Byul slumped in her chair and pouted. “Anyway, no matter what I do she probably hates me now. Oh, and she might also have a bit of resentment for you.”

Yongsun gaped. “Me? What did I do?”

“Well, she went as far as to suggest that we haven’t gotten over each other and I’m just using her to cover that up. Like a rebound.”

“ _ What? _ That’s bullshit and Hyejin knows that. Anyone with an eye knows we're just friends now. And besides, all we ever talk about is how much you love her."

"And how much you love your job."

"Exactly! I’m married to my work. Implying otherwise is offensive," Yong shook her head, before a realization fell upon her. "Oh, you didn't tell her why we broke up?"

Byul looked at her as if she had said something dumb. "Of course not! She'd hate me for it! How does 'Yongsun and I broke up because I fell out of love for her because I was falling hard for you' sound? That’s fuel to a fire if I ever saw one. We don’t need more evidence to prove her point!"

"It sounds bad but it’s no less the truth. We grew apart, I got promoted and you have always been in love with Hyejin if we’re being honest,” Yongsun looked pointedly at the Byul, who nodded. “Always, even during the academy. You were just too stupid to realize it.”

“Yeah. But I don’t think saying that is gonna help my case.”

"I think you guys just need space. Just give her time. I mean, that worked for us, right? When we took that break, it really put things into perspective," Yongsun said as she peeled another banana. 

Maybe time apart would be good, Byul pondered. God knows that her and her partner haven’t been separated from each other for more than a few days ever since the academy. They were the kind of people that searched for comfort and lingered where they found it, whether it be places or people. Always being in each others presence was something familiar to the both of them, an assurance that no matter where they are, no matter the situation, if they were only a few meters away from each other, then home was never far away.

But spending all that time with someone you already adore and hold so much affection for will cause complicated emotions to arise. It was inevitable that they had feelings for each other, now that Byul thought hard about it. It wasn’t a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’ their restrained emotions would start seeping through the cracks.

It’s just that after months of Byul knocking hard against that wall to make it crumble, the cracks just became bigger and the emotions seeped out in tenfold, the mold of all those years of hurt and secrecy muddled with it and threatening to drown the both of them.

They had relied too much on each other. That was unhealthy. 

“So I just....” Byul’s voice cracked and she cleared her throat before speaking again. Even her vocal chords couldn’t believe she was about to say the words. “So I just stop showing her how I feel? Give her space to breathe?"

"Let her miss you. See what life could be without you, and so you could see what life is without her too,” Yongsun continued. 

There was a pain in Byul’s chest at the thought of a world without Hyejin. No, she didn’t need to see what life was without Hyejin. She already knew how dark that would be.

“Disappear from her life for a bit. Maybe she'll feel the emptiness your absence brings. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?"

Byul bit her nails. "Absence also makes the heart forget. What if it makes her move on from me completely?"

Yongsun sighed, she looked pained to tell Byul the truth. "Then Byul, if you've done everything you can... Maybe it's time for you to let her go. Because I love Hyejin but if she doesn't realize what she's missing, then you deserve someone who will."

Byul was about to open her mouth to protest, to tell Yongsun that she was the one that didn’t deserve Hyejin and if she got rejected again, it’s because she wasn’t good enough to be worth fighting for. However she didn’t get the chance, as her train of thought was disrupted by the ringtone of Yongsun’s phone.

The older woman looked at the screen and then at Byul. 

“It’s Hyejin,” she says before answering the call. “Hey, Hyejin-ah.”

Byul watched intently as Yongsun listened to the other girl. She was suddenly envious of the older woman, she wished she was the one talking to Hyejin right now. 

“You sound sick, are you okay? Oh,” Yongsun paused, meeting eyes with a worried Byul. “Should I send Byul over to check on you? No? Oh, okay. Are you sure though?” Another pause as Hyejin answered. “It’s fine, Hyejin. Take a day off and rest. We got you covered... Okay, okay, get well. Bye.”

Yongsun ended the call and looked over to Byul who was looking at her expectantly.

"She's taking a day off."

Byul’s chest constricted. "Is she really sick?"

“Maybe. Or it’s just an excuse,” Yongsun sighed. “She sounds a bit hoarse though. It didn't sound serious, maybe just a cold."

"I should check on her-"

"Byul,” Yongsun said sternly.

Byul caught herself. Of course, after years of looking after each other, her first instinct was to fret over Hyejin. Even when Yongsun and her were together, she didn’t want to admit that Hyejin would always come first. She used to think it was because they were each other’s partner, their ride or die - life and death situations always created the strongest bonds, but now Byul understand that that bond intensified to more than just friendship.

Byul slumped back in her seat, forcing her worry down her throat. 

"Right, right. Give her space,” she rubbed her palm against her face. "This is going to be so hard."

"Anything worth something is never easy,” Yongsun smiled sympathetically. “Maybe, it's best if you request a transfer. Just switch partners for a while. She suggested that too, right?"

Byul swallowed another lump in her throat. She might as well had a stomach full of bricks. 

"You think that's best?" 

"Yeah, the both of you are honestly on the edge right now. She's fighting to keep her walls up and she's hurting you in the process. I know you're a martyr, Byul, but if last night was anything to go by, you're almost at your breaking point. You need this too."

"Okay." 

It tasted wrong, like venom in her tongue. She hated the word. But her grandmother used to say, that the best medicines were always the bitter ones. 

Yongsun looked surprised at her quick agreement. "Okay?"

Clenching her fists, Byul mentally willed herself to feel numb.  _ This is for the best _ , she repeated in her head like a mantra, even though every fiber of her soul was fighting against it. 

"Yeah, what forms do I need to fill up? What about our on-going case?" 

If she talked about it like it was some business deal, she thought, maybe it’ll be easier.

Yongsun looked at her intently for a while. Worry was etched on the creases of her brow and the frown on her lips.

"We'll make the switch after the case,” Yongsun said. “You'll still see each other in the precinct, the both of you'll just have more breathing space."

_ I don’t want to be away from her. _ Byul thought.  _ But she wants to _ .

"I'll get the forms,” Yongsun stood up.

The movement seemed to snap Byul back into reality. She had to stop her anxiety. It wasn’t like they were getting divorced. 

Who was she kidding? It felt exactly like that. 

"Okay, I just need to call someone."

The first thing Hyejin saw when she woke up was the dust inside her room floating above her vision and illuminated by the rising sun peeking through her curtains.

She blinked herself out of disorientation and tried to recall why her eyelids felt so heavy.

A gentle breeze came over her and blew the dust particles into chaos, and she suddenly remembered. The events of last night immediately sent a pounding to her head.

Right, that’s why. The cans of beer crackling beside her hips when she moved was enough confirmation.

She sighed, shutting her eyes tight as the memory of Byul’s heartbroken expression impaled itself against her eyelids.

“Ugh!” Hyejin groaned, immediately sitting up to find something to distract herself with. 

“Idiot,” she said to no one in particular.

Hyejin then decided that she wouldn’t be able to face Byul today and so with a quick call to Yongsun and a white lie, she had the whole day to torture herself with her thoughts.

She looked around her dimly lit room. It was a mess, a clear reflection of her current mental state. She might as well tidy things up instead of moping her fate.

A few minutes later and her floor was void of dirty laundry and her arms were filled with clothes. She was searching for a basket to discard them with when someone rang her doorbell.

She froze in place, her heart skipping a beat with every ring. 

“W-wait a sec!” She called out when she finally composed herself, dumping the clothes in a basket and shrugging on her bathrobe over her underwear.

_ Please don’t be her _ , she prayed, not quite sure how she’ll be able to face Byul again after last night.

She pressed her forehead against the door, breathing deeply and forcing herself to calm down.

“Wh-who is it?”

“Pizza delivery!” A cheerful voice of a man that was definitely not Byul came from the other side.

_ Pizza delivery? _ Her anxiety was immediately replaced by confusion. She blinked.

Unlocking her door, she opened it enough that she and the pizza boy could talk face-to-face. 

The boy’s gaze passed her shoulder and she saw the exact moment his cheerful expression donned a more concerned one at the sight of her messed up apartment. It must’ve looked like it was forcibly raided or something.

"Is everything okay, miss?"

Hyejin waved him off, leaning against the doorway. "Yes, I just…” she breathed deeply, “...lost something. I was cleaning, searching for it.” 

The pizza boy gave a tight smile, searching Hyejin’s face for a lie. She must’ve looked like such a mess too. Bless this boy’s heart for being kind, Hyejin thought. You’d rarely find a concerned stranger nowadays, with everyone minding their own business.

She broke eye contact and looked at the box in his hands. 

“I didn’t order pizza though, sorry,” she diverted. “I think you’re in the wrong apartment.”

Hearing her speak again seemed to snap the boy out of his pondering as he immediately remembered why he was there.

He smiled, shaking his head. “Apartment 201, right?”

Hyejin nodded, still confused.

"Yeah, someone ordered for you, it's already paid so don’t worry. It also comes with a note,” he said with a grin.

The boy handed her the warm box and rummaged through his pockets. A second later a folded note was placed into Hyejin’s hands. She could only stare at it.

“Have a nice day!” The boy greeted before walking off. 

Hyejin entered her apartment once again, closing the door with her foot as her arms held onto the pizza box. The scent of cooked bread and tomato sauce invaded her nostrils and her mouth immediately watered.

She placed it on the table and stared at the note she placed above it. Hyejin fingered the edges. 

She already knew who it was from even before she opened it, the pounding in her chest confirmed it.

Hyejin sighed in irritation, scolding herself. She would never be able to move on if she kept getting affected over the simplest things. She shook her head and opened the note. 

_ Get well soon, Hyejin. _

There was no name indicating from who, but she didn’t need one to know. An ugly feeling crept into her chest. One she was well-acquainted with since last night: guilt.

Her fingers subconsciously traced the words, and an empty feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she finally realized why it felt like something was wrong.

Her mind was searching for the missing words that usually came with all of Byul’s gifts. Those three words she got used to seeing and hearing from her. The very same words she denied from Byul.

She was unknowingly searching for it, and when she did not see them, anger sprouted in her chest. Anger at Byul for loving her and still caring about her despite everything, at herself, and at this fucking box. Of course those three words wouldn’t be there. Of course. 

What did she expect after last night? This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? Then why doesn’t it feel like it was?

_ Fucking idiot _ , she cursed in her head, unclear to whom she was addressing the harsh words.

Hyejin stomps towards the counter to fetch her phone, she might as well thank Byul so that she didn’t become a total bitch. 

Her fingers stilled over the screen as she saw a voicemail in her notifications. It was from Byul. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes and mentally preparing herself before pressing the play button.

_ “Uh, hi Hyejin-ah. Good morning. I hope you got the pizza. It’s a peace offering of sorts,”  _ Byul’s voice chuckled nervously over her speakers. Hyejin gulped down the sudden knot in her throat.

_ “I’ve thought a lot about last night and… I just wished that someday you’ll see that you’re not as horrible as you see yourself. That you let someone love you, even if it’s not me, because you deserve it. To be loved. When I look at you, I don’t see what you see in the mirror, I see that you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,”  _ she said and Hyejin scoffed at the words. If Hyejin was stubborn, Byul was equally persistent. 

_ This idiot _ , she scowled. 

_ “Despite what you say… I’ll just have to trust you that you won’t hurt me. And even if you do, well, all cats scratch their owners, right? Doesn’t mean they love them any less,”  _ the woman chuckled over the phone. Hyejin frowned. Did Byul really just compared her to a cat?  _ This idiot. “In return, trust me that I will do everything not to hurt you. And if I do… Well, I don’t think I will,” _ Byul chuckled sheepishly.  _ “Dogs don’t bite their owners.” _

Unable to restrain herself and equally surprised by this woman’s capability to get under her skin time and time again, Hyejin chuckled pathetically despite herself.  _ What an idiot. _

_ “I won’t stop saying what I feel. Not because I expect anything from you, but because I can say it and because it’s true. You may not fight for me, but… I will fight for you. Because you deserve a hundred, no, a thousand ‘i-love-you’s, and I am willing to give each and every one even at the stake of my heart… But I guess that for now, I have to give us some spa-“ _

Hyejin stopped the voicemail, realizing that if she didn’t, her heart might not be able to function again. There it was, the three words she had been searching for. Hearing it everytime never failed to steal her breath away. Her vision was cloudy with tears that had yet to fall and she blinked them away. She clutched the phone tightly in her hands and pressed them into her chest as she doubled over from the pain - a silent gasp escaping her lips.

Byul’s voice and words echoed into the silence of her room like a radio. She wouldn’t cry however, no matter how much she wished Byul was with her this moment. 

Hyejin quickly saved the voicemail, not willing to hear the rest of the call but unable to delete it.

She tapped the phone against her forehead in frustration. Why couldn’t Byul just give up? Was she really worth all this pain? 

Hyejin gazed at the note on the table once again.

_ Get well soon _ ,  _ Hyejin _ .

This was the only way to get well. She crumpled the piece of paper and threw it across the room.

_ I love you. _

“Idiot,” Hyejin whispered, her face falling onto her palms. “I’m such an idiot.”

"Dr. Jung, there's someone here to see you."

Jung Wheein blinked confusedly towards the smiling receptionist. She fumbles for her phone in the pocket of her lab coat and checks the time. 12:03 p.m.

"A patient? I'm on my break,” Wheein said, taking a sip from her coffee cup. “If they can wait for just half an hour, that'll be great."

There was a twinkle of mischief and no sympathy in the eyes of the female receptionist. Wheein narrowed her eyes in suspicion; the staff had a habit of pranking her once in a while, endeared by what they called a ‘cute reaction’. Honestly, she was in her mid-twenties and had a PhD attached to her name and they have the nerve to call her with that cursed adjective.  _ Cute _ , she grumbled inwardly at the reminder.

“Sorry, she insists. She's already in your room,” the receptionist smiled kindly.

“Nothing I can do then,” she muttered.

Wheein sighed, slumping her shoulders for a bit before walking back to her room. She had patients coming non-stop since this morning, and she was just looking forward to lunch. It was winter time, however, and children tended to get more ill during this time of the year. 

She meekly entered her clinic room and greeted the patient with a kind smile. "Good morning. So what seems to be the urgent-” she gasped as soon as she realized who was in front of her. “Hyejinie! You’re here!”

Hyejin chuckled, opening her arms so that Wheein could grab her into a hug. “I missed you too, Wheein-ah,” she cooed.

“Your case is finished? We rarely had time to meet last week,” she gasped again, not letting Hyejin answer. Wheein pinched her cheeks despite Hyejin’s protests. “You lost your cheek fat! Has Byul-unnie not been treating you right?"

Hyejin’s smile faltered for a bit and she tapped Wheein’s fingers so she would free her cheek. 

"Stop it, Wheein.”

Wheein blinked for a moment, discerning the expression on her best friend’s face and then narrowed her eyes knowingly.

"Ooh, sore topic? Is that why this little baby is moping in her bestfriend's hospital room?” Wheein teased her, mimicking the pout on Hyejin’s face as she sat opposite her. “Did you two have a fight again? What have you done this time?"

Hyejin scowled. "I'm not a baby, Wheein-ah. And why do you automatically assume that it's my fault?"

"First of all, I'm a pediatrician and you’re sitting on my patients' chair so you're either a baby or a toddler. With how you act sometimes, I'd say a toddler-"

“Wheein-ah!" Hyejin glared but was effectively ignored.

"Also with the way you're sulking and not fuming, my guess is that you let that nasty mouth of yours loose again and you said some things you wish you hadn't,” Wheein said matter-of-factly.

"How do you even know the difference?" Hyejin crossed her arms, unamused that her best friend could dissect her so easily. She might as well have been under a microscope. 

"Your eyes, Hyejinie. They give away everything, and it doesn't hurt that we've been best friends since middle school. I can read you like the symptoms of diarrhea."

She grimaced. "Eww."

"So can we talk about this while I eat? I've been dealing with children since 8 a.m. and I am famished,” Wheein groaned, slumping her shoulders dramatically.

"I brought you some pizza."

Hyejin offered her a paper bag with some napkin-covered slices of pizza.

Wheein squealed, bowing a quick 90 degrees before snatching it from her. She took one slice, inhaled it thankfully and then took a grateful bite.

"Have I ever told you that you’re an angel?” She mumbled with her mouth full, and then pointed at Hyejin’s attire. “Also, why are you not in your uniform?"

"I took a day off,” Hyejin replied. 

She rested her face on her closed fist and contentedly watched her best friend enjoy her food.

"So what's up?" Wheein asked after gulping down her pizza.

Hyejin only sighed, pouting her lips and staring lifelessly at the wall.

Her best friend pursed her lips. “Are you gonna tell me or do I have to torture it out of you? I have a scalpel somewhere in my desk drawer.”

Hyejin sighed again. “It’s Byulyi.”

“We’ve established that,” she urged her on. 

“We had  _ the _ talk again-”

“Oh no,” Wheein said, her hand holding the pizza faltered a bit. With what she knew about Hyejin and Byul, she could already guess what had happened. “That can’t be good.”

“I said that,” Hyejin took a deep breath, looking as if the words pained her as well. “I said that I don't love her and that she should move on. Told her we needed some distance from each other, maybe I suggested a transfer. I don't know, I was in the heat of the moment. And then some other harsh words, I honestly don’t want to remember half of them but," she sighed. "I made her cry so, must've been pretty awful."

Wheein looked appalled. Her mouth was open and she seemed like  _ she _ was insulted by the words herself. 

“You made Byulyi-unnie  _ cry _ ?!”

Hyejin grimaced at her reaction. It was understandable. Wheein adored Byulyi; she had always found the woman kind and caring. She also loved hanging out with Byul when they had the time. To say the least, she was probably the woman’s favorite out of all Hyejin’s past suitors, Hyejin would go as far as saying Byulyi could rival Hyejin in Wheein’s favorite people’s list. Yongsun-unnie too, however sometimes Hyejin suspected the oldest woman was first in that particular list.

“Wow, I honestly want to be mad at you Hyejin but then I have to be on your side so,” Wheein shrugged with resentment. She looked at her best friend scoldingly. "Really, Hyejin. Why are you making things harder than they should be?" 

Hyejin crossed her arms defensively and refused to look at her best friend’s accusing gaze.

"The whole reason I'm rejecting her is because  _ it is  _ easier than dealing with all that relationship shit," she mumbled.

"Allow yourself to be happy for once,” Wheein scolded, crossing her arms as well and meeting Hyejin’s energy.

"I am happy. I'm content right now!” Hyejin protested defensively. 

"Oh really? Then why were you crying all night? I know because your eyelids are swollen and the skin under-”

"Don't diagnose me!”

"And I know that you hate yourself for hurting her. It's hurting you as well."

Hyejin shook her head. “Look at it this way, surgeries are better than leaving something to fester. It’s painful as fuck, sure, but it heals better.”

“ _ You _ will not use medical terms while arguing with me.” Wheein pointed a finger at her. “And that’s an unfair parallelism! Relationships aren’t something you can just perform surgical procedures on.”

Hyejin shook her head stubbornly. “I’m doing the right thing. I don't have a heart, Wheein. She deserves better than me.”

Wheein scoffed. "I did not just study medicine for half my life for you to tell that straight to my face,” she deadpanned. “I am a doctor and it's biologically impossible for you to not have a heart. Unless you’re some kind of jellyfish.”

"Well then it must be made of stones or something because I don't feel things as I should. I don't do romance movies, Wheein. You know I hate that genre with a passion and Byul wants someone who's like those girls in those films. I can't give that because I'm nothing like them," she sighed.

"You stubborn mule,” Wheein groaned in frustration, rubbing her temples almost aggressively. “You are so hard-headed. You don't give Byulyi enough credit. She doesn't love the girls in those films, idiot. She loves you, as you, in comparison with no one else."

Hyejin glared stubbornly. “It won’t last. I’m saving us both the time.”

“If a relationship with you won’t last with a person like Byul, who is the most persistent, caring and understanding person I know, almost bordering on martyrdom, then it won’t last with anyone,” Wheein argued.

“Then I’m fine with being alone forever!”

“Oh really? Because if you are  _ so _ dead set with absolutely no doubts about your decision, then you wouldn’t be sitting there, arguing with me and making me convince you to consider otherwise!” Wheein scolded. “I know you. You don’t need other people’s opinion when you’re absolutely certain of what you want. And yet here you are, confiding in me and letting me give you my two cents. It’s because you’re conflicted.”

That shut Hyejin up, because wasn’t that the truth? She often forgot just how introspective Wheein actually was. She must’ve looked like such an open book to her. 

There was absolutely nothing she could hide from this woman, so much that she had stopped trying to since middle school.

Wheein took her silence as a surrender and so she continued to attack her while her defenses were down.

“What is this really about, Hyejin?” She asked but Wheein already knew the answer.

It always boiled down to this reason after all. 

Hyejin shook her head miserably. “I can’t afford the risk, Wheein. I don’t want to end up like them. I just can’t go through all that heartache twice in this lifetime.”

Wheein frowned, recalling just how difficult her parent’s divorce was for Hyejin back in middle school. They were each other’s pillar during that difficult time in her best friend’s life. These were not experiences people could immediately heal from, no matter how many years have passed.

“Your parents are not you and Byul, Hyejin. They made their mistakes, but their regrets don’t have to be yours as well. Do you honestly believe that Byul can hurt you to that extent?”

Hyejin avoided Wheein’s sincere gaze. “It’s not so much as her hurting me but  _ me _ hurting her. I’m a difficult person, Wheein. Can I even love Byul the way she deserves?”

"You’re a wonderful person worth loving. And you can love, Hyejin. You've loved me as a friend for so many years and I love the way you love,” her voice was soft as she tried to catch Hyejin’s averting gaze. “And Byulyi, you've loved her since the both of you were in the academy! For god's sake, you were always drinking when Byul and Yongsun were together and you only stopped when they broke up. You can’t stomach seeing her with someone else.”

Hyejin glared. "Those aren't related to each other."

“Don't lie to me. You can lie to everyone, even to yourself but never lie to me,” Wheein pointed a finger at her. She continued, "The only girl you've ever loved your whole life actually loves you back and is not afraid to express it and  _ that _ actually scares you. You think it’s your one shot and you’d rather not take that shot than to mess it up.”

Wheein smiled softly, seeing right through her best friend. She was right; Hyejin can never lie to Wheein. The girl inches her chair forward and grasps Hyejin’s hand into her own. 

“What are you doing?” Hyejin looked at her, suddenly uncomfortable at being gazed upon by her best friend’s all-knowing eyes. “Don’t hold my hand, you know that makes me soft.”

"You reject her because you’re afraid, Hyejin,” Wheein shook her head with a small smile. “You're afraid to get hurt. You're afraid that you'll fuck it up. You're afraid that it may not work out, and you'll hate each other because of it so much that you may stop being friends. You're afraid that you'll lose her forever if you both try. And you'd rather stay the way you are as friends because at least that way you're guaranteed to always have her by your side. This way you’re guaranteed that you won’t end up like your parents,” Wheein said. "But with the way things are going, you're still going to end up losing her. The both of you are still going to end up hurt. So what's the difference?"

Hyejin hadn’t even noticed how tight she had been holding Wheein’s hand until she noticed that her throat had begun to close in on itself. She never let anyone call out her insecurities, she was too proud to be scrutinized by anyone. It was one of her flaws. She’d deny everything, retaliate, defend herself but she’d never accept anyone telling her things she already knew about herself but refused to acknowledge. Except Wheein, she was always the exception. She was Hyejin’s conscience.

“If you don’t want to end up hurting her,” Wheein said finally. “Then you better make sure that you don’t. If you don’t want to scar her, then take those claws away.”

Hyejin groaned. What was up with the cat references lately? Was she really so much like a feline? 

"I hate how much you make sense. You always make sense,” she conceded, knowing that her best friend had hit her right on the mark this time. She pouted, “Byul probably hates me now anyway.”

Wheein chuckled. "Byulyi is one of the kindest people I know. She probably understands you as well as I do. Just give her a chance to prove herself. Give it a chance, Hyejin. Relationships they aren’t perfect right off the bat. You have to want to make it work.”

Hyejin groaned in frustration, running her fingers through her hair and messing it more than it already was. 

“Ugh, what am I supposed to do now? I’ve stood by my decision for years, I can’t just-” she stuttered. “-just go back on my word!”

Wheein shook her head with a sigh. “Throw away that damn pride. All its done is keep you away from those you love.”

Hyejin bit her nails as she thought about it. It was probably too late; maybe Byul had finally decided to move on after being rejected so many times. However, it didn’t sound that way over the phone earlier this morning, and yet it felt selfish, to suddenly go back on everything she had said, all those hurtful words, and ask for Byul’s forgiveness knowing she would give it so easily. 

She felt like at least Byul had to make her work for it, fight for it, especially since she felt so unworthy of the older woman’s affections. But knowing Byul, she’d probably just bury and forget all of Hyejin’s past transgressions, and would probably love her all the more for it. 

It was one of the things that frustrated Hyejin about their relationship; Byul was so forgiving, while she was selfish. But perhaps Wheein was right, Byul hadn’t given up on her or even condemned her for everything she has done because  _ she _ understands. She knows what kind of person she is and at the end of the day, isn’t that all anyone could ever ask for? Someone that loved them enough to take the effort to understand all their angles, to the point that words were no longer needed to communicate?

And Byul. Hyejin had to admit she was only selfish due to her urge for self-preservation. All these years of protecting herself from anyone that would dare hurt her. And yet, Byul was the only one that got close enough because Hyejin let her. She got so close that Hyejin actually considered more than a hundred times to just say yes. 

Byulyi was the only person that Hyejin would ever willingly allow to hurt her. She actually  _ wished _ Byul would treat her angrily and horribly after everything, just so Hyejin could feel that she had a chance of deserving such a wonderful person. 

Hyejin sighed once more. “I have to make it up to her. Big time. Don’t I?”

“You think?” Wheein said sarcastically. “You should probably start courting her. You know, switch the dynamic?”

Hyejin grimaced. “I don’t do stuff like that.'

“Look, so far, Byul has always treated you the way you deserved  _ and _ more. You have to level out the imbalance between the two of you, if you want this to work and if you don’t want all your fears to come true,” Wheein shrugged, as if the answer was simple. “You have to start giving Byul what  _ she _ deserves. If you have to beg on your knees for her forgiveness, then do it. Show her you’re now willing to fight for her. Do you think she just deserves the bare minimal?”

Hyejin clenched her eyes shut. “She deserves the whole world. The fucking moon and stars.”

“Then you better start trying ASAP, because that sounds like  _ a lot  _ of work,” Wheein giggled, raising her eyebrows suggestively. “And you say you’re not a romantic? That was pretty poetic-”

Hyejin chuckled genuinely for the first time that day. “Shut up!”

They laughed together. Hyejin grabbing Wheein by the wrist and pulling her into a tight hug, trying her best to translate her gratitude in a simple gesture. 

“Thank you, Wheein. ”

Wheein laughed. “You’re such an idiot.”

“I really am. What will I be without you?”

“Probably a full-fledged rock, with weeds growing out of you,” Wheein teased, making Hyejin giggle.

They let go of one another as Wheein grabbed another slice of pizza. They chew quietly for a few seconds, relieving the hunger in their stomach. Hyejin ate with a renewed appetite, feeling like a weight on her shoulder had actually been lifted. 

“Ah, seriously, Hyejinie. You always make me feel like I’m a psychiatrist.”

Hyejin took a bite of her own pizza. “I still don’t get why you chose to be a pediatrician, really.”

“Because most of my beloved friends are literal children,” Wheein snickered.

Hyejin glared at her, but her lips twitched into a grin. "What time are you getting off your shift?"

"A few hours,” Wheein gulped down her food. “Why?”

"Can I come over?"

"Sure! Wait, aren’t you going to see Byul first?”  


Hyejin thought about it for a moment. “I should probably give her some breathing space tonight. We’ll see each other tomorrow anyway, and I have to think of a way to make it up to her.”

Wheein bounced excitedly on her chair. “Ooh! I can help you with that.”

Hyejin looked disgusted. “No, you’ll probably come up with the most cliche, cringiest ideas. My relationship is  _ not _ going to be subject to your romantic fantasies.”

Wheein eyed her knowingly with a smirk. “ _ Your _ relationship?”

Hyejin flushed under her gaze. “Whatever.”

Wheein snickered triumphantly. “Okay, but bring some pretzels and beer."

There was a moment of pause as they began to clean up the grease from their fingers and throw away the used napkins. It had almost been an hour, which signaled the end of Wheein’s lunch period. Hyejin stood up with her paper bag, preparing to bid farewell to her best friend. 

They had become very busy lately, especially with December around the corner which means winter and Christmas time. Lots of sick people and an increase in criminal activities. 

But whenever Hyejin felt depressed, there was no doubt Wheein would be there to catch her and vice versa. It had been that way since as long as she could remember. Before exiting the door, a thought suddenly crossed her mind.

"Why can't we have fallen in love with each other instead?"

Wheein seemed taken aback by the question, before her expression turned to wondering and then she snorted. "Pfft. You'd probably have reacted the same way anyway. It's wired in you to make things complicated because you’re such a drama queen."

Hyejin laughed. "You're probably right."

"And we can't really choose who we fall in love with, huh? It just happens." Wheein shrugged. She thought for a brief moment. "If you were given a chance to fall in love with someone else or not fall in love at all, would you take it?"

That made Hyejin pause. 

Wheein was like a sister to her, a soulmate. They were compatible in more ways than one, a relationship between them would work effortlessly, but then again, it took time before it came to that point. Ten years to be exact.

Then her thoughts shifted to a woman who smiles with her scrunched nose muscles, whose pale skin always made Hyejin shiver, and whose laughter could immediately lighten up her day. She couldn’t recall when she had started falling for her; it was definitely not Byul’s greasiness or her cheesy lines she probably picked up from those late night sitcoms, although these things added to Hyejin’s endearment for her sooner or later.

It was probably Byul’s gentleness, her soft features, the way she’d speak so gently to Hyejin whenever they were alone, how she paid attention to everything and everyone she loved. How she would no doubt drop everything she was doing if Hyejin called.

Byul had the ability to make everyone around her feel special. The more Hyejin watched her, every small detail down to the expressions on her face and her quirky habits and how she found them to be hilarious and entertaining without Byul even meaning them to, she had fallen so quickly in love with her kindness, with her compassion and with her strength. She hadn’t even tried to deny it to herself for long when she realized what it was she was feeling.

Because at that time even though Hyejin vowed never to fall romantically for anyone, Hyejin thought that she’d let her heart betray her this one time because she couldn’t ever regret falling in love with the most beautiful person she had ever met.

_ "If you were given a chance to fall in love with someone else or not fall in love at all, would you take it?" _

Hyejin turned towards the door, allowing a soft smile to grace upon her lips at the thought of Byulyi.

"Probably not,” she answered, despite herself, feeling the weight lifted from her shoulders for the first time as she finally set the truth free.

"There,” Byulyi huffed, heavily dropping the pen on the bar counter. “All filled out."

"Now just your signature,” Yongsun pointed at a line on the bottom of the document.

Byulyi stared at the document for the hundredth time that night. All the information was filled out and all that was needed was their signature to seal the deal.

She had thought about this and finalized it in her head, yet why were her hands suddenly trembling?

Byul clenched her fists together. "I need another drink,” she said, signalling the bartender for what would be her sixth shot now.

Yongsun rolled her eyes. The younger woman had taken a shot for every line of information she filled out, as if she was physically and mentally forcing herself to go through it.

"You've had enough! Just sign the damn document,” Yongsun sighed.

Byul pressed on the pen with a bit of aggression that imprinted itself on the paper. After the last stroke, she stopped herself from throwing the pen and just resorted on slumping herself onto the counter.

"There, happy?” Byul snarled, and then simmered down when she sees Yongsun’s knowing look. She sighed, “I know, I know. This is for the best.”

"Now all we need is Hyejin's signature,” Yongsun said with finality before stuffing the transfer request onto her briefcase.

Byul sulked. "Oh, she'll be thrilled to sign that I'm sure,” she mumbled bitterly. 

"Woah, is this bitterness I hear?"

Byul scowled. "She didn't contact me all day!"

Yongsun groaned. "That's what space is, do you realize?"

There was a moment of pause as Byul swirled the drink inside her shot glass, all while boring that sullen expression. 

"Maybe I should try dating someone else just to show her-"

Yongsun cut her off, scandalized. "You will not do that! That's unfair to everyone involved! I can’t believe you’d actually-”

“I’m  _ not _ actually gonna go through with it,” Byul defended, frowning. “It’s just a nice scenario to fantasize about. And besides,” she muttered. “I can’t stomach hurting Hyejin.”

“You chose to love a difficult woman. You knew this would happen going into it,” Yongsun said, flipping through her phone as her companion continued to play with her glass of alcohol. “Would you have preferred differently?"

Byul sighed. She already knew the answer, she didn’t even have to think about it. 

There was no other person that came close to Hyejin. She’d endure a lot more than this just to have the privilege of loving her.

In the books she used to read as a child, when a mortal falls in love with a Goddess, they’d go through hell and back to be worthy of her love. This was her hell, now she just had to find a way back.

“Of course not,” Byul whispered softly, almost like a promise to herself. 

“Well then that’s your answer to-” Yongsun suddenly paused as a soft ‘ping’ erupted from her phone.

The silence caught Byul’s attention and she looked over to see Yongsun seriously looking at her phone. Then, a ‘ping’ echoed through Byul’s own phone. It was their precinct’s tech.

“Did you get it?” Yongsun asked.

Byul nodded, opening the message to see an address and a report sent to her.

“The perp used his phone again and they traced it to this address,” Yongsun said as Byul read it.

Byul threw her last shot back, feeling it burn her throat before standing up and fixing her clothes.

“I’m gonna go ahead and check it. It’s not far from here,” Byul said, “I’ll confirm if that’s his new hideout.”

“You’re not going there alone,” Yongsun said sternly. 

Byul holstered her gun and radio. She paused for a moment as if in thought. 

“I’ll call Hyejin, we’ll meet up there.”

Before she left, Yongsun grabbed onto Byul’s wrist tightly and they shared a knowing look. The kind of stare common with their profession. 

“Stay cautious; don’t be reckless.”

Byul nodded. “Copy, sergeant.”

The last thing Yongsun saw of Byulyi was her confident stride as she walked out of the bar. It was always difficult to send away her officers into cases, knowing they might be risking their lives. But Yongsun always took comfort in the fact that she made sure they were trained to their full capacity. Her officers were capable, and so she trusted them.

But just in case, she would  _ always _ remember every detail about their last conversation and kept them in a safe space inside her memories. Just in case.

8:20 A.M.

The tick-tacking sound of heels hitting on tiles echoed throughout the barely occupied halls of the precinct.

The other officers sitting on their desks, eating their breakfast and patiently waiting for the clock to chime that would signal the start of their day, all smiled and chuckled fondly at the sound.

Only one person ever wore boots with heels sharp enough to make that tip-tapping sound. As if on cue, Ahn Hyejin entered the precinct office with sunglasses hiding her fatal eyes and a bold red lipstick adorning her plump lips. Her white blouse hugged her frame, one button loose at the top revealing her slender and sharp collarbones. Her coat, which completed her uniform, hung onto her arm along with her black shoulder bag.

Wild, long, black hair complimented her sun-kissed skin and framed her face nicely. The officers all stood, silently watching her make her way towards her desk like it was some kind of ceremony; some had even playfully bowed as she passed by them, causing a smile to peek into the corner of Hyejin’s lips. They called it the ‘Hwasa effect.’

The intern, against his better judgment, whistled a low note that garnered the glares of the room’s occupants. The senior officer nearest the boy whacked him over the head.

“Show some respect for the queen, boy,” he whispered harshly to the amusement of the other officers.

Hyejin rolled her eyes affectionately, ignoring the rest of them as she removed her sunglasses and placed her coat and bag on her chair. She turned around, force of habit, towards her partner’s desk, fully expecting her to be seated onto it and fiddling with her phone. However, what met her was an empty seat, her partner nowhere in sight.

She frowned. The older woman was always earlier than her. Hyejin peered at the desk neighboring them towards another officer.

“Is Byulyi not here yet?”

The man shook his head. “Haven’t seen her.”

Hyejin nodded, walking towards Byul’s desk to inspect her things. Her customary cup of coffee and her leather jacket were absent, which only meant that the woman was yet to arrive. She viewed a framed picture of their little group of friends: Yongsun, her and Byul in their police uniform while Wheein was cutely nestled in the middle in her lab coat and stethoscopes. 

Hyejin let a nostalgic smile grace her face. It had been a while since they all hung out. Beside the framed portrait was a polaroid shot of a surprised Hyejin pinned on the bulletin board. Moon Byulyi had never tried to hide her feelings for her, ever. 

She wished she could say the same.

Hyejin walked back to her desk and slumped onto it, closing her eyes shut and tried to rehearse in her head the words she would say to Byul once she arrived.

She looked over at her desk and saw a folder out of place amongst her things and files. Narrowing her eyes, she took the folder and opened it.

Almost immediately what she saw made her heart drop, and her hands cold.

_ Request for Transfer _

She only needed to see Moon Byulyi’s signature before she was marching towards Yongsun’s room in a fit of- she didn’t want to call it anger but it was close to it.

She almost slams the folder onto the table, surprising the sergeant. Hyejin began to pace back and forth as Yongsun’s widened eyes followed her.

“ _ What  _ is _ that _ ?” She said through gritted teeth, pointing at the folder as if it was some kind of disease.

Solar looked at the folder in confusion. She opened it, then noticed Hyejin’s defensive position - her arms wrapping around her figure as she paced - and realization dawned upon her.

She stood up and tried to approach the woman with as much calmness as she could. At times, dealing with Hyejin felt like dealing with a real lion itself. Any threatening gestures would either make her fly off or immediately defend herself.

“It’s a request for transfer,” Yongsun said. “Did Byul not tell you? She said that it was your idea.”

Hyejin paused in her pacing.  _ Fuck _ . She cursed herself in her head. Of course. Of  _ fucking  _ course. She didn’t have any right to be angry about something that  _ she _ suggested in the first place. 

“It was! I just didn’t thi-think…” Hyejin stuttered, before pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I wasn’t in the right mind- We were angry- and… and I didn’t think- Nevermind.” Hyejin shook her head vehemently, taking the folder from Yongsun’s stunned expression, and walking away with a renewed hatred for herself. 

“Are you going to sign it?” Yongsun asked just before she exited the room.

Hyejin frowned, turning around and discerning her expression. 

“Do you want me to?” Hyejin narrowed her eyes.

Yongsun shook her head, able to scent out the jealousy in the tone of her voice. 

“Hyejin,” she started softly, “I just want you and Byul to be happy. That’s all I want,” she showed her hands to placate the woman. “I care for you too, Hyejin.”

Taking a deep breathe, Hyejin tried to calm herself. No, she will not lash out at Yongsun just because she was angry. 

“I’m sorry, unnie. I’ll have to think about this,” she bit her lip.

Yongsun nodded understandingly. “Sure. Take all the time you need.”

Nodding, Hyejin spared one last look at her sergeant and seeing the supportive look on her face made her all the more guilty of snapping at the older woman, or even accusing her and Byul of using her as a rebound. If there was anyone who would never hurt her or dare to inside this precinct, it would be Yongsun. The woman literally already adopted her. 

Hyejin trudged towards her desk, sat down on her chair, slammed the folder onto her desk and stared at it. This was all her fault. She pushed the idea of moving on so much inside Byul’s head, and perhaps she had finally convinced her just when Hyejin changed her mind.

She covered her face with her hands and muffled the squeal of frustration that came from her throat, not minding what the other officers would think. 

_ This is what you wanted, well, you got it.  _ A voice inside her head, that sounded only like Wheein, scolded. Hyejin tightened her jaw. No, she was a force to be reckoned with. She’d make it up to Byul. She’d fight tooth and nail for her because that’s the effort that she should have spared Byul from the very beginning. If she has to be, if she has to get the moon and stars, then so be it. NASA better be ready with her rocket.

She had to win Byul back. Damn her if she gave up so easily. She had to make it up to her.

Hyejin paused.

But what if Byul didn’t want her anymore? What if… she was already tired? Wasn’t it selfish of Hyejin to cause her more pain when the woman had already chose acceptance? Who was she to induce a person like Byul into such an emotional rollercoaster?

_ Stop it. You’re just thinking of excuses to escape. Just try, Hyejin.  _ The voice, Wheein’s voice, echoed again in her head and calmed the chaos sprouting inside her mind. 

Yes. She had to try. She just  _ had  _ to. 

12:03 P.M.

The slamming of Yongsun’s door made everyone in the precinct flinch in surprise, everyone including Yongsun herself. She spun around behind her desk, faced her aggressive intruder and gulped at the sight. 

In front of her, locking her door and marching towards her desk, was a very pissed off lion. Or, in Yongsun’s imagination, Hyejin looked very much like a lion who wanted to devour her. 

She didn’t know what was wrong, but Yongsun already had her hands in the air in surrender. She flinched when Hyejin slammed her palms onto her desk.

“Okay,” She gritted through her teeth.

_ That’s a more calm beginning, we’re good, we’re good.  _ Yongsun thought.

Hyejin continued, “I  _ know _ she probably already hates me but she could’ve at the very least let me know that she wasn’t going to work today,” she ranted. “We still have an active case to solve and until I sign that goddamn request, I am  _ still _ her partner.”

Yongsun blinked at the parade of angry words. One beat, two beats, and then it made sense. However, sense didn’t help as she was left dumbfounded again. 

“What are you talking about?” She blinked again. “Byul still hasn’t arrived?”

“Yes! She’s still not here. How come you don’t know? Didn’t she call in a day off or something? You would know,” Hyejin sulked before muttering. “You  _ always _ know.”

Yongsun decided to ignore that little jealous quip in favor of more pressing matters. “No, I didn’t get a call from her. I thought you guys were at your desk, I was just about to go there to get a report for last night.”

Hyejin frowned. “Last night?”

“Last night when the both of you checked on the lead location for your case’s perpetrator? I haven’t heard from the both of you about it, I thought I’d have a report by this morning bu-”

Yongsun paused as she saw the sudden paleness overcoming Hyejin’s expression. 

“What is it?” She asked concerned.

“I was at Wheein’s last night.”

Yongsun felt a shiver ran through her veins at the implication. She wasn’t about to jump to conclusions though so she emphasized, “Byul said that you’d investigate together. She didn’t call you?”

“I wasn’t with her last night!” Hyejin snapped. “She didn’t fucking call me for anything!”

“Maybe she didn’t go through with it,” Yongsun placated.

“Then she would’ve already been here by now!”

“Don’t panic, okay. Maybe she overslept-”

“I can’t bet on ‘maybes’. I’m calling her right now, I swear if anything happened-” she groaned in frustration to mask her growing panic as she began to dial Byul’s number, albeit unsuccessfully as her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. 

“Let me,” Yongsun said, being more composed of the two. 

She tried not to let her imagination run away from her as she dialed the woman’s number.  _ Byul, you frickin’ idiot, _ she thought. 

Hyejin was already biting her nails and when Yongsun looked at her gravely after a few seconds of ringing, she was tempted to throw everything in sight. She could thrash the whole precinct if she had to. She already knew what the older woman was about to say just by the look on her face.

Yongsun shook her head, taking Hyejin’s hands into her own to calm the younger one down. “It went straight to voicemail. Her phone’s probably turned off.”

“When was the last time you talked to her?”

“Last night at the bar, she took off shortly to check on the location.”

“Why would you let her go alone?!”  


“She said she would be with you!”

“Well, I wasn’t, okay! I should’ve but… I haven’t talked to her since- since we argued,” Hyejin rubbed her palms in her face and clenched them into a fist. She had a bad feeling about this.  


“Compose yourself, officer,” Yongsun said sternly, but it fell on deaf ears as Hyejin began to hastily walk away from her. “Where are you going?!”

Yongsun followed Hyejin to her desk where the younger woman was already strapping her belt into her waist, and shoving a gun into its holster. She shrugged on her police coat and faced Yongsun with a face resembling steel. 

“I’m going to check her apartment. I want the perp’s address sent to my phone right now.”

Yongsun nodded. She shrugged on her own police jacket, and tapped the side of her waist to secure her gun. “I’ll send some units over to the perp’s location to check there now. I’m coming with you.”

“I swear, Moon Byulyi, if you aren’t in your apartment right now because you overslept. I fucking swear,” Hyejin muttered under her breath.

She wasn’t.

Her bad feeling was right as it turns out. Hyejin had a pretty reliable gut feeling, it had never stirred her wrong before. During missions, it was handy to have an instinct or a sixth sense, call it what you will, for these sort of things - to be able to stir a case into the right direction. It was what made the difference between a good detective, and an exceptionable one. However this was the only moment in Hyejin’s life that she wished that her gut feeling was wrong.

Moon Byulyi had not step foot into her apartment for two days now, and Hyejin had been certain of this based on how well she knew Byul alone. The damning evidence were another thing, but she didn’t need it to prove what she already knew. Of the four sets of police uniform Byul owned (she knew because she had the same number of sets, and they had them made the same time) two were missing, one was back at Hyejin’s apartment among Byul’s designated laundry basket (since the woman was always in her apartment anyways), and the other was what Byul would currently be wearing. If she had gone home last night, that one would be in her laundry basket. It wasn’t. 

The mail and newspapers on her front door accumulated three days, which meant that Byul had not been back home for as many days. She would never leave her mail unchecked knowing that it was one of the very first things Byul did the moment she gets home. The last two days Byul had crashed in Hyejin’s apartment. Today made three days. 

She didn’t even have to see Yongsun’s worried gaze to confirm that the older woman concluded the same thing. Byul didn’t come home last night. 

They had rushed towards the perp’s address, which was only a five minute drive from Byul’s place, surprisingly. It made the woman not coming home all the more concerning.

When they arrived, the decrepit house was already swarmed with officers. The moment the crowd had caught sight of their sergeant and Hyejin marching towards the door, they immediately made way for them to enter. Hyejin didn’t like the look on their faces one bit. But she was forced to stomach the cold hard truth when they were finally greeted by a senior officer, a grave look on his face. The man answered the questions written in her eyes with a singular solemn shake of his head.

Hyejin felt her heart fall down into her stomach, burned by the acid there and made her bleed inside and out. 

_ No. _

The door was kicked from its hinges. Broken mirror in the living room where it looked like someone was slammed into it. Lamps, vases, and picture frames toppled down to the floor where they lay in disarray. Smashed furniture. 

It got worse.

Holes in the cracked windows caused by stray bullets. Strands of hair ripped off. Two chairs down in the basement with cut ropes lying on the floor inches from it. Traces of someone being dragged. 

A baseball bat with blood. A knife with blood. Blood on the chairs. Blood on the floor. Trickles of blood from the basement leading towards the backyard. So much blood. 

An idiot could decipher whatever had occurred inside those four walls. The answer was everywhere and Yongsun couldn’t bare to stare at it. She had to remind herself of her position: she was a sergeant first before she was anyone’s friend. Sworn duty, she couldn’t look weak in front of her subordinates, shouldn’t sow fear into their veins. It was horrible every single time. To know this is what the future may hold for any of them given their profession, and she was to be their source of strength. 

“Clear signs of struggle,” the younger officer reported. She had lost sight of Hyejin as the woman all but investigated the whole area herself, not trusting her partner’s life in another’s hands but her own. “Shots were fired. Marks of blood everywhere. Things got ugly real fast, sergeant.”

_ How ugly? _ Yongsun wasn’t too sure she actually wanted the answer to that question. 

“How long ago?”

“Tire tracks at the back, recent. The blood on the floor and chairs has dried, but it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours. Five hours, give or take. He kept them in the basement for a while, and then dragged them out and moved them in broad daylight.”

“No witnesses?”

The officer shook his head gravely. “No, he picked this place because most of the houses are abandoned or uninhabited. The construction of this part of the town halted a couple years back when the constructor’s company went bankrupt, it’s an area known for criminal activity ‘cause of that.”

Yongsun frowned, seeming to catch on to what he said earlier. “You said ‘them’?”

The officer nodded. “He had two hostages. There were strands of ginger hair, dyed, not Detective Moon’s. It checked out with one of our missing persons, a teenage girl. We’re getting DNA samples for confirmation.”

“Jesus Christ,” Yongsun exhaled under her breath, gritting her teeth. “Detective Moon?”

There was a pause, a short one but enough for Yongsun to stop staring at the forensics team and meet the solemn eyes of the officer. He looked rattled. After all, Byulyi’s one of their best detectives, if she got taken down, then how strong was this man?

“Two chairs with blood down in the basement and some ropes. The bullets are the same model as the ones in her gun. And,” the man paused. “Her police jacket was found downstairs, sergeant. We believe she was knocked out unconscious. The forensics are getting the blood samples into the lab right now. We’ll have the results in a few hours.”

“And the backyard?” Yongsun didn’t let her voice waver. 

For a moment, she thought the officer breathed a sigh of relief. “Untouched. Nothing’s buried there, not recently anyway. He took the both of them with him.”

Inwardly, Yongsun sighed in relief. That was good. If he took them with him, then it means there’s a possibility they’re still alive. Or he wanted to dispose them someplace else, where the police wouldn’t arrive to catch him in the middle of the act.

Just then, Hyejin walked into the living room where they were. The younger woman’s face was pale, and there was a cold sweat on her forehead. She wore an expression of steel but Yongsun saw right through it. Saw it for what it really was, especially when she knew Hyejin enough to recognize the barely disguised panic in her eyes. 

There was a ziplock bag clenched tightly into her hands, her fists almost shaking from her grip. Inside it was what could’ve only been Byul’s police jacket. Yongsun let her stern expression softened as she approached the woman.

“Hyejin,” Yongsun began softly. She didn’t need to report what happened, it was written in Hyejin’s eyes that she already knew.

Hyejin refused to look at the blood everywhere, refused to reimagine in her head what had occurred inside this room. 

She clenched her teeth together until they almost hurt and she met Yongsun halfway.

“He’s taken them with him,” Yongsun repeated. “Let’s pray they haven’t gotten far.”

Hyejin almost scoffed. Prayers never solved cases, in her experience. 

“Five hours ago, unnie,” Hyejin spat slowly, her anger boiling under her skin waiting to explode. What was she doing five hours ago? Sitting at her desk, probably, while her partner was being dragged, all bruised and bloody, to  _ god knows where! _ The thought and imagery of it made the surface of her calmness crack. “They could be in the fucking countryside by now for all we know!”

“Stay calm, detective. Remember your training,” Yongsun whispered to her as she clasped Hyejin’s hand in an attempt to calm her, only for the younger woman to shake her hand away. “Now is not the time to get emotional. We’ll find them whatever it takes.”

That didn’t comfort Hyejin in the slightest.

Yongsun turned towards the junior officer, who had been watching the exchange between his two high-ranking superiors. Their tight-knit group had always been so composed, stoic, exuding absolute confidence in their profession. They were respected and known detectives within the city, and yet to see them suddenly so rattled and vulnerable in the midst of losing one of their own, it made the younger ones tremble in their footing. 

“Do we have a record for what kind of vehicle this man owned?”

The junior officer nodded, handing Yongsun a folder of files. The sergeant took it in stride and began flipping through the pages, with Hyejin watching like a hawk beside her. 

“Same truck he registered a few years ago, the tires in the backyard match. The plate number is listed there. We’ve been keeping an eye out for it for a while now. Must’ve garaged it here.”

Yongsun nodded. She could hear Hyejin’s labored breathing in her ear as the woman peered over her shoulder and glared at the picture of their perpetrator. A man in his fifties, demanded for cases of domestic abuse, his wife’s murder and now an abduction of a civilian and a police officer. It was escalating far quicker than Yongsun wanted. She knew the tendency of criminals such as this man; the ones who had terrible impulses that pushed them over a line. They weren’t built-in cold-blooded killers, those kinds were in another level on their own. No, this man and the kind of murderers they were could only ever descend into madness.

Madness is scary; it’s unpredictable in its predictability. It would get worse and worse, like an infection festering in a soul’s wounds. 

“We have surveillance cameras this part of the town, yes?” 

The officer nodded. “Yes, sergeant.” 

Stepping towards the man with resolve, Hyejin seemed to wake up from her trance, fueled with an almost murderous energy. No doubt at seeing the ugly features of the perpetrator they had been hunting for a week, only to snatch away her partner. 

This wasn’t just her job now. It was personal. 

“Request access for  _ every _ surveillance camera in this street, or the whole town if we have to. I want it tonight,” Hyejin ordered, almost barking out the words. “You know the protocol. Contact the media. We have a better chance of finding them sooner if the public's aware. Let’s move!”

Yongsun watched as the officers and forensics team scramble into action. Packing up as much evidence and photos of what was now a crime scene and then scurrying like organized ants into their cars. As soon as they were left alone, she could see Hyejin’s defensive stance falter, her knees shaking as she gripped her head into her hands. 

“Hyejin-” Yongsun started, but before she could get any nearer, Hyejin’s defensive walls sprung up instantly to keep her away. 

“I’m fine, unnie,” Hyejin said strongly, not meeting Yongsun’s concerned gaze. “I’ll feel better once we find Byulyi and get that fucking asshole behind bars.”

48 hours.

If it were any circumstance than a kidnapping, the police would’ve flagged her as a missing person. They would’ve started the investigation just then, a whole 48 hours after a person disappeared. Ridiculous, if one truly thought about it, especially since it would only take no more than ten minutes to kill a person. A shot to the head would’ve taken just a split second, a blink of the eye: Hyejin knew all too well how quick and easy it was to take a person’s life. It was as easy as a finger on a trigger; a simple flick as if you were merely scratching a painful itch.

She wondered then forty-eight hours later, if the police could do anything useful with themselves in a situation like this other than hunt down for the corpse, no doubt already hidden, and supply a body bag so its at least presentable to their loved ones who had to wait for 48 dreadful, painful,  _ excruciating  _ hours for any kind of action from the very people supposed to help them, knowing all too well in their hearts that 48 hours is 47 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds too late because after all, sometimes it only takes one second to kill a person.

She hadn’t eaten or slept, hardly remembered if she drank anything than coffee induced with enough liquor to give her the kick she needed, for the last 48 hours.

Now she was outside of the precinct after another night of dead ends, clutching a stick of cigarette in her trembling fingers and puffing out smoke as if her life depended on it. Probably did, she was about to go insane.

Hyejin’s imagination went to terrible places. It was snowing tonight, and she didn’t want to think if Byul was freezing with her wounds exposed.

She finished another stick, biting her lips as she kept the tears at bay. Before she could even light another cigarette, it was snatched away from her by delicate fingers and thrown to the white ground. 

“I thought you got rid of that nasty habit,” Yongsun appeared beside her, carrying a mug of steaming something. 

Hyejin avoided her eyes, wrapping her arms around her figure, the jacket she wore protecting her from the cold. 

“I’m going out of my mind. It’s the only thing that will ground me enough to get this job done.”

“Wheein will throw a fit if she finds out you’ve been smoking again,” Yongsun leaned on the wall beside her, both of them looking out into the dark street where cars occasionally passed by.

“I don’t think the news of me smoking again is what will worry her,” Hyejin said softly.

“You still haven’t told her?”

“Why should I? This,” she clenched her jacket tightly. “This  _ miserable feeling _ . Why would I want to share it with anyone else?”

A warm hand grasped Hyejin’s and she was tempted to pull away just because this kind of comfort always succeeded in breaking down her walls, and she couldn’t be weak and vulnerable. Not right now.

“We’ll find her. We’re getting closer,” Yongsun said confidently.

Hyejin shook her head. She wanted to believe that as well but… they were already out of the city. The surveillance clips they managed to procure showed the truck go out into the highway. After that, they could be  _ anywhere.  _ They had no more leads, only prayers.

Watching the clips earlier and just  _ knowing _ that Byul was inside that vehicle, made Hyejin want to smash the computer screen. She didn’t want to imagine all the possibilities that man could hurt her, she didn’t want to. She’ll go insane. 

She failed her partner.  _ Failed her.  _ She wasn’t there when she needed her the most, she wasn’t there with her now. 

She might have been 48 hours too late.

Hyejin doubled over, her chest suddenly tight and gasping for air as she stopped herself from sobbing. She clutched her head into her hands and forced the horrible images out of her head.

“Hyejin,” Yongsun’s soft motherly voice managed to penetrate her succumbing mind. “Take a break. Go to the quarters and get some rest.”

Hyejin snapped upright. “How can you even suggest that? How will I be able to close my eyes and sleep knowing that  _ she _ might be suffering out there? Hoping that I’ll come save her but I can’t! Because all I can do is be useless here!”

Yongsun clutched her hand tighter. “We’re doing everything we can. Don’t punish yourself for things out of your control.”

“It feels like I’m in some wretched purgatory,” Hyejin said. She thinks what’s making all of this all the more unbearable was knowing, hearing in her head, the last awful words that she had said to her. 

Their argument. What if that was the last time?

"I should have just told her," Hyejin whispered regretfully, so quiet that she didn't think Yongsun even heard.

Suddenly she couldn’t bear the pain. She looked at Yongsun with pleading eyes, and the older woman seemed to understand her without words. 

“The sleeping pills are in the top right side drawer of my desk.”

Without another word but merely a look of pure gratitude, Hyejin wrapped her arms around Yongsun and held her tightly. They always had a rocky relationship, being that Hyejin despite being a brilliant detective, wasn’t the most obedient. It always clashed with Yongsun’s strict work habits, not to mention things were a bit tense ever since two years ago when Yongsun dated Byul. It became harder for Hyejin to interact with her. 

But despite all of those things, the love they had for each other was undeniable. Yongsun will never stop being her older sister; she will never stop caring for her. 

As Hyejin went back inside the precinct with heavy steps, Yongsun finally let her strong facade waver as she let her head hang down miserably. She felt the tears poking at her eyes. 

When she was finally alone, she let her lips trembled. “This was not what I meant when I said to disappear from her life, Byulyi.”

60 hours.

_ “Uh, hi Hyejin-ah. Good morning. I hope you got the pizza. It’s a peace offering of sorts,”  _ Byul’s voice resounded over her speakers. Hyejin thanked the heavens that she had saved this particular voicemail.

She had fallen asleep. The pills had been strong. She was out for more than nine hours. And in that span of nine hours, so little had changed.

She thought she would wake up from this nightmare and find Byul teasing her with a cup of coffee with those three little words written on the cup like always.

If that happened again, Hyejin swore she would never act annoyed again.

_ “I’ve thought a lot about last night and… I just wished that someday you’ll see that you’re not as horrible as you see yourself. That you let someone love you, even if it’s not me, because you deserve it. To be loved. When I look at you, I don’t see what you see in the mirror, I see that you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,”  _ Hyejin gulped down a sob as rivers of tears fell down her cheeks.

She was in the police quarters. She refused to let the other officers hear her pain. 

Where are you now, Byul?

_ “Despite what you say… I’ll just have to trust you that you won’t hurt me. And even if you do, well, all cats scratch their owners, right? Doesn’t mean they love them any less. In return, trust me that I will do everything not to hurt you. And if I do… Well, I don’t think I will,” _ Byul’s voice chuckled sheepishly.  _ “Dogs don’t bite their owners.” _

Dogs also come home to their owners. So, where are you now, Byul? Hyejin thought. 

_ “I won’t stop saying what I feel. Not because I expect anything from you, but because I can say it and because it’s true. You may not fight for me, but… I will fight for you. Because you deserve a hundred, no, a thousand ‘i-love-you’s, and I am willing to give each and every one even at the stake of my heart… But I guess that for now, I have to give us some space.” _

Hyejin’s tears paused as she looked at her phone in disbelief. She didn’t finish this voicemail, she forgot. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. In the chance that Byul wouldn’t return home, and it was growing increasingly possible by the hours where they didn’t have any new leads, these next few sentences would probably be her last.

Hyejin didn’t know if she was prepared.

_ “When there’s too much of something, it can get suffocating… Especially if you don’t want it. So this I love you is going to be the last one for a while….. But know that even though I don’t utter the words, it doesn’t make it any less real. I will always feel this way … Get well soon, Hyejin. Don’t you worry about me…. I love you.” _

And just like that, there was silence. The dial tone ringing in her ears like a cursed omen. Byul’s voice fading into oblivion, and if Hyejin could just grasp her voice into her hands and save them in her heart, then she will. She undoubtedly will. She’ll listen to her voice over and over again until that’s the only sound she can comprehend.

_ I love you. _

It felt like a goodbye. She didn’t want it to be a goodbye.

In a stroke of desperation, she dialed Byul’s number. Something she had been doing for the past 60 hours, knowing that she won’t answer and it’ll go directly to voicemail. Hyejin would take it. 

_ “Leave me a message! I’ll get back to you in a while, _ ” Byul’s cheerful voice resounded in her speakers.

“I love you,” Hyejin gasped out, a painful cry that scratched her throat raw. “Please come home, Byul. Show us where to go, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she was sobbing now. Nothing in her life had ever felt as excruciating as this. This wasn’t even the pain and heartache she was avoiding all her life - this suffocating ache in her chest right now was infinitely more painful.

This pain of possibly  _ losing her _ forever. Hyejin thought that if losing her hurt this much, then why hadn’t she been holding onto her so tightly? 

“I love you. I was stupid for not saying it before but I love you. I’ve always loved you, I will always love you,” Hyejin repeated the words like a mantra, the sound mixing with the sobs coming out of her chest. "I can't be too late. Please, _please_, come back to me."  


She didn’t know how long she kept repeating the words. Almost like Byul will come back just by her simply admitting what she should’ve been honest about a few days ago. Now, she was 60 hours too late.

Hyejin didn’t know when a strong pair of arms began to wrap around her. She had been so consumed by the pain that she barely registered the sound of her gut-wrenching sobs echoing loudly into the space of her quarters. Didn’t notice just when Wheein had rushed into her room, held her together in a tight embrace so her best friend wouldn’t completely fall apart at the seams. Barely recognized the soft murmurs of comfort coming softly from Wheein’s lips.

The moment she was finally lucid enough to notice her best friend’s equally teary eyes and her silent crying, Hyejin turned her head around in Wheein’s lap and buried her crying face against Wheein’s stomach. And they stayed like that, until she fell asleep once again. 

She dreamed that Byul had returned home.

72 hours later and Hyejin woke up from her nightmare.

The whole precinct was in commotion. Police cars rushing to the abandoned cabin in the woods just in the outskirts of the neighboring town next to the city. They had been able to trace the man when his phone had suddenly turned on, alerting them to their current location just a few miles away.  


The perpetrator was then caught on the surveillance camera of the nearest convenience store, buying food and necessities. 

They still hadn’t known how such a miracle happened from a case that seemed to be crashing to its deadliest end. But Yongsun’s department never took miracles for granted. As soon as the lead popped up, they were already contacting the police enforcement in that town, and she and Hyejin jumped into a car and rushed away. 

Wheein had reluctantly stayed in the precinct after being repeatedly told that civilians weren’t allowed during missions. Hyejin was trembling with adrenaline. She hated the rush of hope that filled her bones, she hated that if they were wrong that that burst hope would be the one that would kill her.

Yongsun’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as she turned to the street where the cabin would be found. She steadied her heart and resolve until it resembled steel. Whatever they found when they got there, she had to be strong for Hyejin.

This reminded her of the time when they both rushed to the perp’s previous home only to be met by solemn faces.

_ No, please. Not again _ .

When they arrived, the decrepit cabin was already swarmed with officers. The flashes of red and blue against the darkness only increased the dread in the pit of Hyejin’s stomach.

The moment the crowd had caught sight of the city’s sergeant and Hyejin marching towards the door, they immediately made way for them to enter. The senior officer of the town’s police department came forth. He nodded his head, “We got into a shootout with the suspect. Killed on the spot.”

Hyejin breathed out in relief and disappointment. She wanted so bad to be the one that ended that bastard’s life. Or even worse, to put him behind bars to atone a lifetime for his sins.

“The hostages are in the basement, we’re getting them secured on stretchers. But it’s a bit difficult, they’re severely dehydrated. The detective had broken rib-”

Hyejin didn’t let him finish, leaving the officer with Yongsun as she rushed down the stairs of what would be the basement. The tightness in her chest unceasing. She wouldn’t believe Byul was alive not until she saw it with her own eyes.

She steeled her stomach to what she would see next.

The basement was littered with  the first responders and forensics gathering evidence and alongside them working was the EMS in their emergency attire as they secured the stretchers and the IV fluids. 

Hyejin froze as she took in the space before her. Two chairs in the basement, much like from the previous house. Chains surrounding them, rusting at the edges. Stains of dried blood - the rusty scent filling the air mingled with the scent of human excrement. The air was heavy and it was hot with all the personnel bustling about, but Hyejin saw everything almost in slow motion. 

She saw a head of ginger hair being lifted carefully onto the stretcher. It was one of their missing person - the other hostage. She looked pale and thin, her lips withering in dryness. Her clothes were stained and dirty. She was unconscious but alive.

Hyejin let herself inhale another dosage of hope as she carefully made her way to the other group of EMS huddling on another corner. 

There she was. 

Hyejin swallowed the sob that threatened to come out of her, and the tears were falling before she even noticed they were there. She didn’t think she would see her again.

Moon Byulyi was laid down on a stretcher, her police uniform stained, crumpled, and torn in some places. She was barely conscious, completely dazed with whatever drugs they had given her to keep her sedated. Her wrist was attached to an IV tube, and they were already in the process of carrying her out.

Hyejin couldn’t take her eyes away from her. Still couldn’t believe she was alive in front of her, despite being battered and hurt. She would worship any god there is just to thank them for bringing her back alive. 

Byul’s face was incredibly pale, almost paper-white. Her hair was dull and brittle from the dried blood. Her lips thin and dried - from one look Hyejin already knew she was severely dehydrated. She could barely move, perhaps due to her broken bones that made her weak. Completely different from the bold, skilled yet kind partner that Hyejin admired. Lying down on that stretcher, bruised and bloodied, Byul looked so small.

Hyejin let the tears fall, her knees almost buckling as she gently held Byul’s hand as they carried her to the ambulance. Her skin was so cold that if it weren’t for the gentle but persisting heartbeat throbbing against Hyejin’s fingers, she would have thought Byul was no longer with them.

“Byul, I’m here. I’m here,” she whispered gently beside the woman as she was carried inside the vehicle. Byulyi could barely focus her eyes enough to recognize Hyejin. 

She was hurt,  _ so hurt, _ and Hyejin felt her blood boil in unexplainable rage at the man that did this to her partner. If she could go to hell just to make that man suffer even in his death then she will.

She watched the blue and red lights illuminate the darkness as it carried the love of her life into safety. Hyejin flinched as a hand landed on her shoulder.

She turned around to see Yongsun’s relieved gaze, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

“We were almost too late. The emergency team said that any longer and she would have died from blood loss and dehydration,” Hyejin softly said, her words trembling. “We were almost too late.”

Yongsun let the tears fall, wrapping her arms around Hyejin as the younger woman quietly sobbed. “Yes. But we made it. They said that it was Byul that turned on the suspect’s phone when he was out. She called us to her, and you saved her, Hyejin. We made it just in time, that’s all that matters now.”

Hyejin sobbed louder as she heard the words from Yongsun. Of course, Byul would be the hero of her own story. She always would be. Hyejin didn’t do shit. But she vowed from this day on that no one will ever take that woman away from her again. They’ll have to pry Byul from Hyejin’s dead hands before they’d ever take her away again.

It was a vow. A promise Hyejin made to the gods.

Moon Byul knew she was in a hospital even before she opened her eyes. Being a police officer, she had her fair share of visits to the medical wing enough to be well-acquainted to its ambiance. The stagnant chill in the air, the bright lights, the soft sound of rolling wheels coming from the hallway accompanied by gentle footsteps and solemn murmuring, the persistent scent of disinfectant alcohol that she always found addicting and finally, the biggest clue, the uncomfortable beds.

She was lying on one of those uncomfortable hospital beds, she didn’t need to open her eyes to know that. The stiffness in her wrist from no doubt an IV tube attached there and the rhythmic sound of the cardiac monitor beside her was enough to solidify her hunch.

Opening her eyes against the brightness of the overhead lights was painful but she had managed bit by bit until she could peer through her surroundings, albeit a little blurry. Her throat felt parched and dry as sandpaper. 

When her vision focused enough and she could lift her head slightly to look around, the pain in her bones and her rib cage hit her like a truck so much that she groaned soundlessly.

“Careful, you shouldn’t be moving,” a soft voice prodded her gently. Gentle hands slowly guiding her back into her bed. 

“Water,” she managed to croak out with her weak voice.

The woman in front of her, wearing a doctor’s coat and eerily resembled Wheein, shook her head. “Not yet, you need to recover more. Get some rest, unnie.”

Byul’s vision cleared for moment and she saw Wheein’s soft gaze looking down at her. She wanted to say more, to ask her something but exhaustion dragged her back to the depths of slumber.

_ Where’s Hyejin? _

“What? You can’t suspend me! I’m a victim,” Byul pouted as she laid down against her fortress of pillows on her hospital bed that her nurse gallantly arranged for her. 

She had been in the hospital for nearly a week and a half. She spent almost a week going in and out of consciousness and it was only two days ago when she was finally able to fully stay awake and elevate her seating position so she could eat. By eating, it meant those lumpy liquid that resembled baby food that the nurses adamantly had her consume.

Yongsun was sitting on the chair beside her bed.

“I’m not suspending you. I’m giving you an obligatory resting period of three months to fully cover. You still have to go through psychiatric therapy, you know.”

Byul felt her hands tremble at the reminder. 

They had been lucky. She and the other high school girl, Aliana, had been extremely lucky despite their circumstances. The both of them had merely been big mistakes on the suspect’s part that he was not able to recover from. They weren’t meant to be hostages, until they were and it was too late for him to back down. 

The man was an extremely disturbed individual with terrible anger issues and mood swings. He had left them for hours in the basement without water or food. He had beaten them, manhandled them and tied them into chairs while they bled, but Byul was still grateful. She shuddered at the thought that he could’ve done things to them that were  _ much, much  _ worse. 

Thankfully, before it came to that point she had managed to steal the man’s phone from his back pocket using her mouth. Thankful that he was too intoxicated to notice, and because of that she was able to save both herself and Aliana. The poor child was traumatized. 

Byul wasn’t above admitting that she was as well. She would sometimes wake up in a fit of sweat, unable to move and panicking, thinking she was back in that basement only to realize she wasn’t. But just because she was better at keeping the trauma hidden, didn’t mean that the ones who cared about her couldn’t easily note the tiredness in her eyes.

The experience had changed her. 

Her heart yearned tenfold to see the one face that would comfort her the most. Yet since fully waking up two days ago, she had yet to see her. 

Yongsun knew what she was about to ask just by looking at the longing in Byul’s face.

“Why hasn’t she visited me yet?”

Yongsun shook her head. “She hasn’t left your side the whole week you were unconscious, you know. She wouldn’t stop fretting over you.”

Byul let a small smile creep into her lips. She could already imagine. Despite Hyejin’s stubbornness and strong facade, she was a true softie for the people she loved.

She missed her. After everything, all she wanted was to hold her close. It didn’t even matter if she was still mad over their argument.  _ That  _ already seemed like centuries ago. Whatever was said then seemed terribly inconsequential compared to what they had gone through the past few days.

“So why isn’t she here now?”

Yongsun sighed. “She wouldn’t have left you if she had a choice. There was just an emergency errand-”

The door burst opened, cutting her off. Hyejin entered, wide-eyed and panting. It looked like she had ran the length of the hallway.

Yongsun smiled. “Speak of the devil and he will come.”

Following in her tail was Wheein, who immediately beamed as she sees Byul already sitting in her hospital bed.

“We rushed all the way from Busan as soon as we heard Byul-unnie had woken up,” Wheein explained. She gripped her best friend’s shoulder, looking knowingly at Hyejin who was frozen standing by the door.

Before anyone could respond, Hyejin was all motion marching her way towards Byul’s bedside. The two partners never breaking eye contact since Hyejin entered the room.

“Ah, Wheein, let’s go get some food,” Yongsun quipped as she suddenly stood from her seat and ushered a confused Wheein out of the room.

The moment the door closed shut, Byul grinned, scratching her cheek sheepishly.

“I know what you’re going to say,” She chuckled. “I’m such an idiot, right?”

Hyejin was rendered silent by the sudden lump in her throat. She feared that the moment she opened her mouth that all that would come out of it were sobs, and that when the dam broke, she might not be able to stop it.

There she was. It wasn’t a dream. Byul was fine, she was okay and alive. The color in her cheeks was returning, so was the plumpness of her lips. She wasn’t barely breathing in a stretcher anymore, not stained and bruise in a basement in god knows where. 

She was there, in front of Hyejin, smiling at her, teasing her. She was clean, safe, cozy and most of all, she was beautiful. She was safe, and Hyejin would die before she let anything happen to her again. For her she was going to be brave and fearless, because just the fear she felt at the thought of losing her, of never seeing her again, was enough to motivate every cell in her damn body.

All of these she wanted to say to her. But all she could muster was the trembling in her lips. Hyejin bit the inside of her lips, swallowing the knot in her throat.

“Sorry for being so irresponsible, Hyejin. I caused a lot of worries, didn’t I? Your idiot partner just can’t seem to do anything right these days,” Byul sheepishly said, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

Hyejin shook her head vehemently. “Shut up.”

Byul blinked in surprise, before she broke into a small smile. “Sorr-

“I said shut up. Stop saying you’re sorry,” Hyejin scolded. She clenched her hands into fists and took a step towards the bed. “I love you. I’m the idiot and  _ I’m  _ sorry.”

The world suddenly paused for Byul, growing intensely quiet save for the humming of the air conditioner and the sound of Hyejin’s heels tapping on the floor as she walked the distance left between them. She might’ve thought she was dreaming right then, no way she had heard it correctly. It might’ve been the effect of the drugs that got her hearing things.

“What?” Byul breathed out softly, the smile wiped from her face.

Hyejin finally let the tears fall silently down her cheeks. 

“I love you,” she repeated, and before Byul could even question reality once again, Hyejin erased all doubts as she leaned forward and captured her lips in a gentle kiss.

Byul’s widened eyes fluttered closed as Hyejin pressed her lips more firmly against hers. Hyejin leaned over, climbing over the bed so she could get closer, and cupping Byul’s cheek. They pulled away after a beat, their faces merely inches from each other as they gazed at each other’s eyes.

There was only shock, confusion and disbelief in Byul’s eyes and Hyejin couldn’t help the fluttering feelings in her stomach that made her smile. She had wanted this for so long. To completely wipe away the doubt in Byul’s expression, she closed the distance between them, sealing their lips in another kiss. This time she was more assertive, this time she let the height of her passion and love seep into the crevices of their lips. She heard Byul’s silent gasp and that only encouraged her more.

For Byul, the world around them had disappeared and all she could focus on was the warm softness of Hyejin’s lips and how they meld effortlessly with her own. The soft skin tingling under her fingertips as Byul finally wrapped her hands around Hyejin’s neck to pull her closer, to let the kiss grow deeper. The sound of Byul’s pounding heart was deafening in her own ears, and if the slight throbbing in Hyejin’s neck was any indication, so was the younger woman’s.

They broke away after a moment in desperate need for air. They rested their foreheads against each other, their panting breaths mingling in the space between them. 

“Wha-what?” Byul blinked in surprise.

Hyejin laughed genuinely, her eyes scrunching and in her response, Byul couldn’t help a grin of her own. 

“I’m sorry. I was almost too late. I love you,” she whispered softly.

There was a knot in Byul’s throat and her eyes welled up with water at the genuine confession. It was almost like a dream, except it wasn’t. Because even at the peak of her imagination, she could never imagine that Hyejin would look so beautiful looking so flushed as she said those words Byul had been dreaming of hearing from her for years now.

Byul pressed her lips together, as she nodded silently against Hyejin’s forehead, letting the quiet tears fall. She chuckled in relief. The heartache in her chest all but ceasing but the tightness remaining as proof of the love she held for the beautiful, stubborn woman before her. 

She raised her head and leaned forward for another kiss, before Hyejin’s fingers landed softly on her lips, stopping her advance. Byul looked at her questioningly.

“I’m gonna go eat something,” Hyejin suddenly said. “I haven’t eaten since this morning. I'd ask you out for lunch, but you're not allowed to go outside yet.”

Byul blinked. “What?” 

She can’t seem to say anything else. But what’s new, Hyejin had never failed to make her speechless and utterly dumbfounded.

Before Byul could properly process what she had said, Hyejin pulled away with a playful smirk and walked towards the door. Byul would’ve stopped her if the pain in her ribs weren’t so excruciating.

“Where are you going?”

Hyejin smirked. “Cafeteria. My stomach is eating me alive but I won’t be gone long. In the meantime,” Hyejin pulled something from her back pocket. It was Byul’s phone. She expertly threw it across the room so that it landed safely in Byul’s bed sheets. “Why don’t you listen to your voicemails?”

Byul’s eyebrows met. She opened her phone and saw that she had 15 voicemails, all from the woman before her. She met Hyejin’s eyes and what she saw took her breath away. The impish smirk was no longer there, and in place was a loving and affectionate smile that Byul only ever saw whenever Hyejin thought she wasn’t looking her way.

“Everything I have to say is already said there,” Hyejin said, if not a bit shyly. 

She then took another piece of paper from her pocket. She showed it to her, it was the crumpled  _ Request for Transfer.  _ Hyejin’s soft gaze turned her signature fatal glare, but Byul could still trace the mischief in their depths. Right in front of Byul, she tore the paper into pieces and let the remains fall onto the hospital floor.

“How dare you try to weasel yourself out of my life? Don’t you dare do that again. I have half a mind to demand that you retire from police work permanently,” Hyejin playfully threatened, before walking out the door with a smirk on her lips.

Byul laughed after her, then turned her attention to the mobile phone in her grasp. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she pressed to hear the first voicemail.

_ “Moon Byulyi, I haven’t been completely honest to you or to myself. But I am now. Congratulations, you got yourself a cat,”  _ Byul laughed.  _ “I should have said all of this before. So let me tell you just how long and how much I have loved you. Let me show you everyday. But for now, I'll start with this song I wrote about you all the way back from the Academy-” _

Byul laughed softly, the gentle tears slowly betraying the absolute joy she felt fluttering in every vein in her body. She wished for nothing else than to run happily towards Hyejin and pull her into another kiss. She guesses, that’s what dogs do best. 


End file.
